Another Temper Tantrum!
It has been a long week of challenges. First your child is sick. Then you get sick. A water pipe breaks and your car needs a tow for a maintenance service. What can a parent do to manage their children’s unhappiness when these disruptive events contribute to their temper tantrums? When I am having a bad day with lots of stress and children’s temper tantrums, I enlist the “Five A’s of Parenthood”:
The Five A’s of Parenthood
- Accept: You and your child can accept that it has been a challenging day and you can tell her that you accept her frustration and it is ok that she is angry, sad, and needs to express herself. You can also set boundaries on where she can have her tantrum or you may choose to walk away and then return once she calms down.
- Appreciate: Help your child relax and reflect on life. When all else fails, have your child state three good things that have happened to her during the day. If she cannot remember anything good, I will tell her that she is loved by me, she is loved by her favorite snuggly toy, and she has a loving family.
- Accomplish: Once your child calms down from her tantrum and you are feeling positive, you can give her a job that will help you. My child loves to unload the dishwasher which is a huge help for me and very appreciated by the family.
- Acknowledge: Once your daughter completes her task, tell her how much she has helped you and how careful she is when completing her job. This support and acknowledgement will reinforce a positive relationship between both of you.
- Act: Once all is calm, consider how you can manage the rest of the day to minimize more stressful situations that can generate more temper tantrums.
Mary Ann Burke, Ed.D., Digital Education Expert, is a substitute distance learning teacher for Oak Grove School District in San Jose, California and the author of STUDENT-ENGAGED ASSESSMENT: Strategies to Empower All Learners (Rowman & Littlefield: 2020). Dr. Burke creates digital language arts and substitute teaching K – 12 activities for teachers and parents. She is the Cofounder of the Genparenting.com blog. Burke is the former Director II of Categorical & Special Projects for the Santa Clara County Office of Education that supports 31 school districts serving 272,321 students in Santa Clara County. She is also a previous Director – State & Federal Compliance for Oakland Unified School District, the former Director – Grantwriter for the Compton Unified School District, and was the initial VISTA Director for the Community Partnership Coalition in southern California. Much of her work focuses on creating innovative digital trainings and partnership programs for teachers and families to support students’ learning. These programs were featured as a best practice at a National Title I Conference, California’s Title I Conferences, AERA Conferences, an ASCD Conference, the NASSP Conference, and statewide educator conferences.
we take a deep breath, reflect, and choose our words carefully, our children can learn from our healthy actions. Most of us cannot detach from stress quickly. Thus, we fall into the trap of evening family chaos. When we conduct ourselves calmly and respectfully, our family will be happier during the nightly routines.
experiences at school. For example, one child may tease another at lunch about what he is eating. It may be that the child has food allergies and cannot eat certain foods. In another situation, a child may be eating foods that are unique to a culture. Regardless of the reason, children must learn to respect the individual differences of their classmates. Most schools focus on teaching children how to get along with others. Many schools grade children on their behavior with their classmates and their teacher. In California, schools have established strict guidelines on how students are to report bullying incidents to their teacher and school personnel. 