How to Reduce Your Kids’ Fighting!
How many times have you lost your mind when your kids fight? Sadly, I find myself regularly trying to keep the peace only to have the children fight me in the process.
One day, I finally changed my approach. I told the children that when they fight or hurt each other, all of them would have to take a timeout! The children resisted. They could not understand why they would be punished if they did not start the conflict. They questioned me for not being fair. Then they challenged my ability to take the time to understand the conflict and make a judgement about who was right and who was wrong.
My Solution for Peace
What I learned from these hard times was that no one is innocent in a conflict. Everyone has a role in the conflict. Some children were the bullies while others resisted the conflict and acted as victims. My solution was simple. Basically, I established zero-tolerance for conflict in our home. Some days were great! The kids played cooperatively together with little conflict. Other days were spent with a couple of timeouts for all children.
Today
Although the approach seemed harsh, my adult children are best friends. I now apply these parenting strategies with my grandchildren. The results are the same with many better days and less conflict. I also remind my older grandchildren that I am not taking the time to care for them just to watch them fight. That is on their time. My time is best spent with fun days of play and adventures.
Please share your stories on resolving conflicts with your children in the comment section below.
Happy parenting!
Mary Ann
Copyright © 2017 by GenParenting
Mary Ann Burke, Ed.D., Digital Education Expert, is a substitute distance learning teacher for Oak Grove School District in San Jose, California and the author of STUDENT-ENGAGED ASSESSMENT: Strategies to Empower All Learners (Rowman & Littlefield: 2020). Dr. Burke creates digital language arts and substitute teaching K – 12 activities for teachers and parents. She is the Cofounder of the Genparenting.com blog. Burke is the former Director II of Categorical & Special Projects for the Santa Clara County Office of Education that supports 31 school districts serving 272,321 students in Santa Clara County. She is also a previous Director – State & Federal Compliance for Oakland Unified School District, the former Director – Grantwriter for the Compton Unified School District, and was the initial VISTA Director for the Community Partnership Coalition in southern California. Much of her work focuses on creating innovative digital trainings and partnership programs for teachers and families to support students’ learning. These programs were featured as a best practice at a National Title I Conference, California’s Title I Conferences, AERA Conferences, an ASCD Conference, the NASSP Conference, and statewide educator conferences.