Keeping Balance in My Daily Life

Last summer, I made a commitment to expand my own personal growth when I discovered that I would not have my college son living at home during the summer break. When reviewing the list of activities that I planned to complete during the summer, I found the following mixed results:

I increased my exercise routine by walking at least three times a week. Now I am focusing on moving and exercising daily. I am also committed to finding a friend to walk with to increase my exercise goals throughout the school year.
Although I read many work-related books, I still have not found the time to enjoy leisure reading. I plan to find more time for relaxing with books in the future.
As a commitment to make time for visiting friends, I walk every Saturday that I am home with my cousin. On Sundays, I started meeting a friend for coffee. I am also participating in a series of leadership seminars in northern California and plan to see friends when traveling.
I continue to take the time to be a kid for a day with my spouse. We traveled to Chicago and bicycled along Lake Michigan. We took leisurely walks along the Santa Monica Pier. We visited Northern California and Camarillo for added play dates this fall season.
Finally, I excelled at getting my house organized for another school year. I cleaned out my kitchen cabinets and one of my bathrooms. I gave away over 10 sacks of papers, brochures, and collectibles. And I donated over 100 professional books to the library or gave them to teachers.

Reflection

Although I accomplished much this past summer, I continue to increase my daily exercise routine and play with my friends to feel relaxed and refreshed during another busy school year.

Relish the beauty of these lovely fall days. Play hard, work hard, and take the time to reflect on all that is good in your life.

Yvette

Learning About My Grandson When Cleaning

A couple times a month, I help my grandson sort out school papers and clean his room. Although it looks like we are helping mom accomplish a difficult task, I love helping my grandson because I am able to learn more about his interests and what he is learning in school.

A Shared Experience

Our room cleaning project has provided the following insights:

We occasionally sort through his toys to identify what he wants to keep and what he no longer needs and would like to donate to other children.
As we sort the toys, we discuss happy memories playing and what we would like to do in future on various play dates.
We discuss various interests and how his toys can help him explore new interests. For example, Lego can be used for various science explorations.
My grandson is able to reflect on what he values and I can share my experiences.
We brainstorm new activities and outings we can share together to explore new and expanding interests.
Sometimes, we sort through his book collection and talk about our many memories of reading various books together. We may start reading the book together again and relive various interests and outings that are relevant to the story. My grandson may also decide that some of the books should be donated to other children.
When sorting artwork, we discuss how he felt when making the art piece and what it represents. My grandson may describe a wonderful adventure that he was thinking about when creating his masterpiece. Other times, he will share a silly story about how his art piece was developed and what it represents. We have wonderful laughs and discussions as he selects which artwork he wants to hang up in his room.

A Final Thought

When I help my grandson organize and clean his room, it is not about organizing his possessions. The focus is to gain a greater insight into what he is thinking about when he creates his projects. I also learn more about his passions and interests. The activity is just a vehicle that brings us closer together with many shared memories and special discussions.

Much joy in helping our kids organize their rooms!

Joyce

A Father’s Story About Teen Suicide

Jason Reid is a father who lost his 14-year-old-son to suicide 18 months ago. In response to this tragedy, Jason created a website for parents and their children to learn more about suicide help at www.chooselife.org. When learning about this website, I interviewed Mr. Reid to better understand how families can support his mission of ending teen suicide in the United States by 2030. The website contains basic information about teen suicide, the national suicide prevention lifeline phone number at 1-800-273-8255, and website resources at www.suicidepreventionlife.org.

What the Data Indicates

According to Kirsten Weir cited on the American Psychology Association website at www.apa.org, there has been a 33% increase in the rate of suicides in the United States (US) from 1999 through 2017. Suicides are the second leading cause of death for children and adults from ages 10 to 34 and the 10^th leading cause of death overall. According to Ms. Weir’s research, access to firearms in the US, a slow response to a national prevention strategy, and lack of affordable and accessible mental health care are key factors that have contributed to these worrying trends.

Jason’s Analysis of the Problem

After his son’s death, Jason learned that he missed the signals that his son was seriously depressed and used his phone to plan for his suicide. Since his son’s death, Jason had dedicated hundreds of hours talking with the medical profession and families to better understand what he could do to have avoided his son’s death. He believes that life for our teens today is more complex and stressful. Today’s kids are bombarded with hundreds of television channels, computers, and computerized phones. Our children are anxious about global warming, wars, complicated social issues, and political disputes. Family dinners are fragmented with parents coming home late from long commutes and multitasking throughout the dinner hour. Everyone in the family seems to be on a different schedule which challenges families to spend quality time for dinner discussions and relaxing evenings.

Jason’s Five Considerations That Can Save Our Teens from Suicide

We must not confuse having our children become worldly before their minds and bodies can adequately process the information they are reading and viewing. We cannot assume our children can read and view everything that is available online and on television. Parents must set clear boundaries about what their children can watch and for how long each day. Best practices advocate to no more than an hour of screen time a day outside of the school day. That allows for time for physical activities, family relaxation, and family play.
Parents must understand that their teens will feel depressed at times. We should share our feelings with our kids even when we are feeling depressed or discouraged. Teens must learn that it is normal to have sad and happy days.
We can learn how to connect with our kids on their schedules even when it is not convenient. Parenthood is not convenient.
Families must simplify their lives to spend family dinners together, relax as a family, play crazy games, and just talk.
Kids, parents, family members, teachers, and neighbors are in this together. When we see that a child that is struggling, we need to take the time to talk with the child and tell the parents that there is a concern. The parents will thank you.

At the end of the day, your teen will know that there is someone who will talk to him at 2 a.m. in the night. Take the time today to play and talk with your children.

Much hope for all the families who care for our kids!

Mary Ann

“Out-Growing Their Age” – How to Initiate Self-Reflection for Your Child

It is my firm belief that self-reflection can be nurtured in children while they are young. It’s different for each child since children mature at different rates, but in general, kids are independent enough around age five to start reflecting for personal growth and accepting responsibilities for their actions. Here is a strategy I have used with my children as they approached each birthday. In our home, we call it “Out-growing our age.” Even as my children are pre-teens now, we continue this practice to encourage self-reflection.

5-Year-Old Reflections

This first started when my kids were approaching their 5^th birthday. They started becoming aware that birthday parties were all about them and that the whole event would be a celebration of them. While I love my kids and love celebrating who they are, I didn’t want their birthday party to be self-centered in the negative way. Instead, I wanted their birthday to be a pivotal point for self- assessment. If they were going to get a birthday party, what would I get out of their growing older? I wanted my kids to mature: to out-grow personal bad habits and negative behavior.

A week or so before their birthday, I would tell them that I’m so proud of them and that I’m really looking forward to their getting older and turning 5 years old. I also told them that sometimes, just like how we out-grow our clothes and shoes and can no longer wear them anymore because they no longer fit, we also out-grow bad habits. Could they think of something that is a 4-year-old habit or behavior that they would like to out-grow because it is not fit for a 5-year-old? I left her with a few suggestions to think about.

A few days later, I checked in on my 4-year-old, and amazingly, she said she would like to out-grow screaming tantrums and “I want” demands. (Cue Mama-bear happy dance!) I hugged her and let her know that was the perfect thing to out-grow. I also gave her guidance and suggested she should use the phrase “May I” or “Can I” when requesting something she wanted. We had a few initial lapses, but a few reminders of what she wanted to out-grow was all it took to get her back on track.

Elementary Age Kids’ Reflections

Over the years, we had many good heart-to-heart birthday talks about what bad habits and negative behaviors they would like to out-grow. We think of it as a personal year-end review or a self-assessment. Our girls have wanted to “out-grow” forgetting to pick up their stuff (socks, shoes, backpacks, snot rags) around the house, dilly-dallying before bedtime, and being mean to their sister.

Preteen Conversations

Now that our kids are 10 and 12, our conversations are on the positive slant. We look for characteristics of maturity that we want to grow into. For example, the girls have said they want to have better time management, to be more forgiving, to let others have more opportunities to speak at the dinner table, and to be more responsible. These days, their birthdays are a mark of maturity and a real reason celebrate!

Cheers,

Jaime

Establishing and Maintaining a Relationship with Your Youth

Establishing and Maintaining a Relationship with

Your Youth

The preteen years are truly tricky for establishing connections with your youth! Not only is your child going through lots of physical growth, they are also starting to experience the emotional fluctuations associated with puberty. However, if you invest some time and have patience, you can continue to build a meaningful relationship with your child.

Make Time for Talking

First, you must devote some 1-on-1 time with your child. It could be as simple as taking that one child with you to run a quick errand, or even using a car ride to make a connection. Some bond over baking goodies, working on small home projects, or gardening in the backyard. Still, others families opt to do parent-child “mini-dates.” Pack a picnic lunch and head out for a hike, or have your child pick their favorite dessert hang-out or sushi place! The environment should be relaxed and chill so that you can carry a good conversation. The most important thing is that your child feels you value them and you love them.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Sometimes, an honest conversation starts up naturally and you can just go with the flow. But if you are stuck with nothing to say, here are some good open-ended questions that can help guide your conversation:

What’s going on with you these days?
What’s your favorite song? What do you like about it?
What are you looking forward to this week, month or year?
Who are your best friends? What do you like about them?
What seems to be bothering you? Is something on your mind?
What goals do you have for your future? What can I do to support you?
How do you feel about ___________?

Need Feedback From Parents

What other suggestions or conversation starters do you have for connecting with your youth? We’d love to hear them!

Jaime