Why Your Child Hates School (Part 1)

As a special education teacher, I’ve worked with students across the spectrum—both neurotypical and neurodivergent—who struggle with school. I see the frustration on their faces, the reluctance in their steps, and the exhaustion in their voices when they tell their parents, “I hate school.”

If your child has ever said these words, you’re not alone. Many parents hear this, and their immediate reaction is concern, frustration, or helplessness. Why does your child feel this way? Is it something specific, or is it just a phase? And most importantly—what can you do about it?

Why Kids Hate School: The Common Reasons

1. It’s Too Hard (or Too Easy)

For many students, schoolwork is either too challenging or not challenging enough.

• A child who struggles academically may feel frustrated and defeated, dreading school because it reminds them of their difficulties.
• A child who finds the work too easy may feel bored and disengaged, leading to a lack of motivation and even behavior issues.

For Neurodivergent Students: Many neurodivergent students, especially those with learning disabilities, ADHD, or autism, may struggle with processing speed, working memory, or attention, making learning feel overwhelming. Others, particularly gifted students, may feel unchallenged and unmotivated.

What Parents Can Do:

• If your child finds school too difficult, work with their teacher to explore accommodations, interventions, or additional support. A 504 Plan or IEP (Individualized Education Plan) may be necessary.
• If your child is bored, speak with the school about enrichment opportunities, acceleration, or more challenging assignments.
• Provide opportunities at home for problem-solving, creativity, and hands-on learning to keep their mind engaged.

2. Social Struggles and Peer Relationships

Friendships and social dynamics play a huge role in a child’s experience at school. If your child is struggling socially, school can feel like an emotionally exhausting place.

• They may feel lonely or left out.
• They may experience bullying or exclusion.
• They may have trouble understanding social cues or forming friendships.

For Neurodivergent Students: Many neurodivergent children struggle with social communication and may find it difficult to navigate friendships. Sensory sensitivities, misunderstandings, or rigid thinking patterns can also make social interactions stressful.

What Parents Can Do:

• Encourage social skills practice through role-playing, books, or structured social activities.
• Reach out to teachers or school counselors for support in fostering positive peer interactions.
• Connect your child with clubs, hobbies, or activities where they can meet like-minded peers.

3. Sensory Overload and Anxiety

For some children, especially those with sensory processing differences or anxiety, the school environment itself can be overwhelming.

• Bright lights, loud noises, crowded hallways, and strong smells can make school an overstimulating place.
• Unstructured times like recess, lunch, and transitions can be particularly challenging.
• Anxiety about grades, expectations, or social interactions can make school feel unsafe.

For Neurodivergent Students: Sensory sensitivities are common among autistic students, students with ADHD, and those with sensory processing disorder. A child may become dysregulated or shut down due to overwhelming stimuli.

What Parents Can Do:

• Work with the school to implement sensory-friendly strategies such as noise-canceling headphones, fidget tools, or a quiet space for breaks.
• Teach self-regulation strategies like deep breathing, grounding techniques, or movement breaks.
• Talk with the teacher about creating a predictable routine to reduce anxiety.

4. Lack of Connection to Teachers or School Staff

Children need to feel connected to at least one caring adult at school. If they feel unseen, misunderstood, or unsupported, school can become a place of disconnection rather than belonging.

For Neurodivergent Students: Some neurodivergent students struggle with feeling misunderstood by their teachers. They may need alternative communication methods or additional patience from staff.

What Parents Can Do:

• Communicate with teachers about your child’s needs, interests, and strengths to build a positive relationship.
• Encourage your child to find a trusted adult at school, whether it’s a teacher, counselor, or support staff member.
• If possible, request a mentor or check-in system to provide additional emotional support.

5. Homework Battles and Academic Pressure

Many children feel overwhelmed by the amount of homework or pressure to perform well in school. This can create stress and lead to avoidance behaviors.

For Neurodivergent Students: Homework can be especially difficult for students with executive functioning challenges, making it hard to initiate, organize, or complete tasks independently.

What Parents Can Do:

• Set up a consistent, distraction-free homework routine with built-in breaks.
• Focus on effort rather than perfection, and advocate for modified assignments if needed.
• Teach executive functioning strategies such as checklists, timers, and visual schedules.

Strategies to Help Your Child Love School Again

Now that we’ve explored why school may be a struggle, let’s focus on solutions.

1. Advocate for Your Child

Your child needs you to be their voice, especially when they feel unheard or misunderstood. Work closely with teachers, counselors, and administrators to ensure they receive the support they need.

• Request meetings if you notice ongoing struggles.
• Ask about support services such as speech therapy, occupational therapy, or counseling.
• Work with the school to develop an IEP or 504 Plan if your child qualifies for accommodations.

2. Focus on Strengths and Interests

Every child has strengths and interests that can help them reconnect with learning.

• Find ways to incorporate their passions into their education.
• Encourage them to join clubs, extracurricular activities, or special programs that align with their interests.
• Praise effort and progress rather than just grades.

3. Create a Safe Space at Home

Home should be a place of comfort and safety where your child can decompress.

• Provide opportunities for downtime and relaxation after school.
• Encourage open conversations where your child feels safe sharing their feelings.
• Validate their emotions—“I hear that school is tough for you right now. Let’s work together to make it better.”

4. Teach Self-Advocacy Skills

Empower your child to express their needs and seek support when necessary.

• Teach them how to ask for help from a teacher.
• Encourage them to recognize what strategies work best for them (e.g., using fidgets, taking breaks).
• Help them practice self-regulation and coping skills.

5. Normalize Differences and Challenges

Whether your child is neurotypical or neurodivergent, they need to know that struggles with school do not define them.

• Teach them that everyone has strengths and challenges.
• Encourage a growth mindset—challenges help us grow and learn.
• Remind them that their worth is not tied to grades or performance.

Final Thoughts: Turning Struggle into Success

If your child hates school, it’s important to listen, validate, and take action. There is no one-size-fits-all solution, but by identifying the root cause and implementing targeted strategies, you can help your child feel more confident, supported, and engaged in their education.

Remember, school should not be a place of dread—it should be a place of discovery. With the right support, advocacy, and encouragement, your child can rediscover their love for learning.

If you have concerns about your child’s school experience, reach out to their teachers, special education team, or school counselors. You are not alone in this journey, and together, we can make school a place where all children feel seen, heard, and valued.

My next blog post will focus on strategies to help your child love school again.

 

Overcoming Reading Barriers

Every January, I set a goal for the number of books I will read over the course of the next 12 months. I try to compete with my friend from college, Nick. His stats increase each year and I typically find myself hopelessly behind within a matter of a few months. While I enjoy the competition and I do enjoy the relaxing gift of reading a book, this wasn’t always the case. I distinctly remember only wanting to read Garfield or Calvin and Hobbes cartoon books when I was a kid. My parents never waivered in their efforts to find some books I would enjoy. One summer in late elementary school, my mom brought home Drummer Boy at Bull Run by Gilbert Morris. Something about the historical context and the relatable teen drama and issues had me enthralled. I proceeded to read the entire series. From that point forward, I am always looking for the next book that will captivate me the same way I was captivated that summer.

The point is that the joy of reading doesn’t typically come from an innate joy of books or love with text. It usually comes from routines and procedures that are set by parents. These routines and expectations provide the opportunity for kids to learn to love reading, usually from finding that one book or series that helps them catch the bug. But this environment does not come about accidentally or without some barriers. Let’s look at some of the challenges parents face in building a love of reading in their children, along with some ideas to help address those challenges.

Barrier 1: Your child’s belief that they don’t like to read

The challenge here is that reading is perceived to be relatively boring compared to other forms of entertainment available in your child’s life: phones, iPads, TV, video games, and social media, just to name a few. To combat this challenge, you need to create a setting in which reading can be enjoyable as well. For younger children, creating a routine where you read together as a family brings a significant amount of joy and purpose to reading. For older children, you may need to find books about topics connected to their media-obsessed lives, including graphic novels, comics, and anime. These can serve as a bridge between modern media and books.

Barrier 2: It’s not a normal part of their lives

Kids who do not see their parents read and have not ever experienced reading as a family may not see the emphasis on literacy they need to believe that reading is actually important. Sure, parents tell their children they should be reading more because the teacher and society say they should. Without a model in their children’s lives or an expectation for them to read, it doesn’t really seem all that important. To address this issue, set time for family reading. Perhaps this could be the last 30 minutes before bed time, an enjoyable family activity after dinner, or a Saturday morning time to relax. Whatever you choose, setting an example for your children will make a big difference. They mimic what we do much more than they do what we say. Give them a positive reading example to imitate!

Barrier 3: Just Life

Parents and kids are all busy: work, chores, sports, music, plays, school activities, church, martial arts…the list goes on. Whatever it is you and your children are busy with, most things tend to take a front seat to reading. We prioritize all of our scheduled events, leaving little time for leisure and relaxation. If reading is not already part of your routine, it may seem like a chore to add it into the mix. There’s no simple solution here. Sometimes as parents we have to make a sacrifice and do things that will benefit our children, even if we don’t feel like it. Our goal here is to help kids learn to love reading and to help them see that reading can be a relaxing pastime.

Prioritize reading, even if you only start with 20-30 minutes a couple of times per week. Make sure kids know that reading is a priority for you and for them.

As with most things, there is no magic cure or instantaneous fix. We have to make intentional choices and steps that will build a literacy-focused environment at home. Taking these steps will help. Comment if you have more ideas for helping kids learn to love reading!

Homework Can Be a Game Changer!

After 40 years of teaching, parenting, and now grandparenting, I have helped hundreds of kids and supported countless parents with homework challenges. Some students love to get their homework done and demand instant help from parents regardless of the family’s schedule. Others race through their assignments and will write down any answer just to get rid of the assignment so they can pursue fun activities. And then there are the anxious students who are overwhelmed with many assignments and need lots of encouragement and help. The problem is most parents are not equipped to help their children adequately at home because of time, knowledge, or having to deal with difficult panic behaviors with their children. So, what can a parent do to make this task more enjoyable for all?

Structure Homework Time

Parents need to create a structured time when homework can be completed depending on each child’s needs. For example, most kids need a snack before tackling homework. Many kids need some down time to relax and decompress. Some kids attend aftercare or participate in demanding afterschool activities. They are exhausted by the time they arrive home at night. Many students prefer doing their homework before dinner, others prefer after dinner homework time, and some do best in the early morning. In response to these challenges, many teachers send home weekly or monthly homework packets to allow flexibility for families to focus on homework activities on specific days of the week.

Support Individualized Learning Needs

Parents can work with their child’s teacher to identify a win-win strategy for highly anxious students. The teacher can then send home an individualized homework packet that reinforces the student’s learning level of success and limits overwhelming failure. Some teachers create a more challenging packet for students who wish to grow faster in their learning or a classroom packet that meets the needs of most students.

Encourage Student Success

When a very frustrated student feels that they are failing at homework, then that attitude of failure is reinforced in the classroom. Parents must be honest with the teacher in what they can or cannot do to support their challenged child’s learning. If they lack the patience or knowledge in how to help their child learn, they should ask the teacher for resource help at the school. Most schools have pull out remedial learning centers for students who are challenged in math or reading. These students do not qualify for special education services but need added support to build their learning stamina.

Make Learning Fun

Some of our grandkids’ homework assignments include games. These are fun when we model how to solve a math problem or word puzzle. Then we work together to succeed in each assignment. It is time consuming. At the end of the activity, our goal is for each grandkid to express success and gratitude for what they have learned. The payoff is when they have the skill to teach another friend at school or online about their newly acquired learning skill in math or reading.

Create Homework Learning Sessions

When my kids were in elementary school, I worked with other parents to create homework sessions at each home. One friend’s mom was great with math. She would create a weekly afterschool playdate at her home to reinforce basic math concepts. My strength was reading, writing, and creating reports. I continue to teach these skills in classrooms and support teachers with fun activities for learning. In January we are writing reports on snow or snow crystals and creating snow crystal drawings or snowflake cutouts. Another friend’s strength is helping the students with advanced math concepts or science projects.

Make Learning Fun

When there is no homework, we reinforce learning by creating books, cards, art projects, playing games, and creating match activities using a deck of playing cards. Each night we read to our grandkids as we discuss new ideas and build vocabulary. We research everything whenever a grandkid or student wants to learn more about an activity. My cell phone is my dictionary and also an encyclopedia. Through an artificial intelligence (AI) feature on my cell phone, I can read a general answer to a question and then research the reference articles listed under the summary for a more detailed explanation.

May you treasure this time in your children’s lives, when you can help them develop connected passions and enthusiasm to learn. Our passionate curiosity for learning is contagious. Our children learn best when we model healthy strategies for problem solving and exploring new topics.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Winter Family Play Activities

Happy New Year 2025! Winter is here and our kids spend hours playing on their electronic devices and binge-watching television and movies. Parents are busy getting ready for a new year of juggling family schedules, working, maintaining household chores, and just enjoying life as time allows. Here are ten strategies that families can use to get moving and enjoy various winter activities:

 

1. Convene a family meeting and organize one special family activity for each month of the year. For example, in January the family can travel to a snow location or somewhere nearby with a change in weather for a nature adventure. The family can pack a tailgate picnic if it is too cold or wet to eat outside. Some of our favorite activities include hiking in the snow or snowshoeing. We enjoy making our annual snow person and completing the day with a snowball fight.
2. We love rain walks. The kids love to jump in puddles, make dams in gutters, walk through small steams, and try to create temporary dams in gutters and small streams. Umbrellas are another great toy to use when exploring during rain storms.
3. We hike in nearby parks to observe nature in the rain or a storm. We love to find insects and spider webs glistening in the rain. Did you know that some spiders make stronger webs during various seasons to sustain wind and storm damage?
4. We travel to the coast to watch the waves on a stormy day. Sealife and ocean observations are enhanced during rain storms. Tide pools are fun to observe right before and after a storm to compare changes in the environment.
5. We learned about spiders and their webs by reading nonfiction books about arachnids at the library. We love to visit the library on a rainy day and curl up in a chair to read any book we want to read. Then we check out our favorite books to read at bedtime for the next two weeks.
6. Window shopping is another fun activity while taking a rain walk or cold weather hike. There are some many interesting items to look at in shop windows and in various stores. Our grandkids lead their younger cousins through stores by clasping their hands behind their backs. It is a fun game. Another parent takes photos with her camera of items a child might like for a gift in the future.
7. Kids love visiting museums to learn about the past, their heritage, and about the history of a community. Children can take pictures and then create a little book about their visit. Older children can research online topics of interest and write reflective stories about their adventures.
8. A monthly family art project can reinforce a specific holiday or celebration for each month of the year. In January we make snowflakes with templates to show interesting ways to cut paper. We read about snow crystals and draw various snow crystal formations. In February, the children can create valentines and write love notes that they can mail to relatives in celebration of the holiday.
9. A monthly family service project might include dropping off cans of food to the local food bank, making valentines to distribute to seniors or service members, and making flower containers with flower seeds for seniors to celebrate spring.
10. Finally, each evening at dinner we review our family activities for the day and express gratitude for something we’ve enjoyed as a family. Then we each share some activity we are looking forward to doing in the next day. Finally, we each discuss a challenge that was hard for us that day. Our grandkids call this daily reflection a rose for gratitude, a bud for an anticipated gratitude, and a thorn for dealing with a challenge.

May your 2025 family calendar highlight many opportunities to embrace daily attitudes for expressing gratitudes!

I Am Part Horse! By Mary Ann Burke

INTRODUCTION: GenParenting bloggers will periodically feature select children’s stories with educational and social-emotional growth themes. I Am Part Horse was written to support second grade learners. Students will complete rattlesnake science projects and research online informational text to write a rattlesnake report.

Yikes! My Snake Bite!

On a hot summer night, I felt a harsh stinging bite on my foot while walking on my front porch. Jumping up and down and crying in pain, I screamed, “SNAAAKE!”

My dad came running. “Stop jumping around, Nellie! Try to stay calm so the poison will not spread in your body.”

We anxiously watched as the tan, diamond-patterned, 18-inch baby rattlesnake slithered off the front porch and dropped into the garden below.

When Dad phoned 911, the dispatcher ordered, “Have your daughter sit quietly until the fire department and ambulance arrive at your home to transport her to the hospital.”

As my dad cuddled me while waiting for the ambulance, I cried, “Dad, my foot hurts and it is burning. My mouth feels prickly. When I try to breathe, my chest aches.”

When the paramedics arrived, my foot had swollen to the size of a balloon! They carried me out of my house on a stretcher and placed in the ambulance. By the time we were on the way to the hospital with sirens blaring, I felt even worse!

I Become Part Horse!                                                                 

At the hospital, my doctor explained, “We have ordered antivenom medicine to make you feel better. I will give you a painkiller shot that will make you drowsy and help with the pain.”

The next thing I remembered, I was confused and my head felt heavy. Dad was sitting by my bed. “What happened? Where am I?”

Dad hugged and reassured me, “You were asleep for a full day. Your doctor stayed with you all night. He will continue to check on you today. The doctor had to order medicine from another hospital. This medicine was an antidote to fight the venom in your body. It was made from the blood taken from a horse.”

“What! I cannot believe that I now have part of the blood of a horse in my body. I am having so much trouble moving my leg!”

Dad explained, “Nellie, I will take you to physical therapy so you can learn how to walk again. The snake venom in your body causes nerve damage. Your doctor can fix the nerve damage. You are going to get better!”

I Hobbled Back to School!

After a couple of weeks of resting my injured foot, I hobbled back to school. As I entered my classroom, Sophia hugged me and exclaimed, “Where have you been? What happened to you?”

Before I could answer, Manuel patted me on the back. “Yo! It’s not fun without your silly jokes, Nellie!”

Then I proudly explained to my class, “I was bitten by a rattlesnake. My medicine to fight the poison was made from horse blood. Now I am part horse!”

“Whoa Nellie! What are you saying?” exclaimed Sophia and Manuel as they looked at me in shock and wonder.

Our teacher, Mrs. Hecklebee, quickly reassured us, “Learning about snake bites and antivenom medicines would be a great project for our second-grade class. Rattlesnakes are not a problem for most kids. But they are a big deal for us because we live near lots of rattlesnakes. We can learn how to protect ourselves from snake bites when playing outside.”

What is Antivenom Medicine?

Mrs. Hecklebee read us a story about rattlesnake bites and explained, “Antivenom is a medicine that is made to kill the rattlesnake’s poison in a person’s body. It is made by injecting small doses of venom into an animal over time. The animal is not hurt. When the venom is mixed in the animal’s body, the animal’s body will produce antibodies. These antibodies are made to destroy the venom. They are collected from the blood of the animal and are used as the medicine to help people get better from a rattlesnake bite.”

I added, “Sheep, goats, donkeys, and rabbits are some of the animals that are used to make this medicine. My antibodies were made from the blood of a horse. That is the way I became part horse!”

Lilia shockingly looked at me and exclaimed, “Are you going to start walking like a horse when your foot is better?”

“NEEEIGH! And I am being taught how to gallop in my physical therapy sessions as I learn to walk again.”

SIDEBAR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:

Think about the different animals that are used to make antibodies for rattlesnake bites. Then complete the following activities:

• Draw a picture of one of the animals that help make the antivenom serum.
• Write a sentence or report describing how the antivenom is made in the animal for medicine.

How Can We Protect Ourselves From Snake Bites?

We each shared our picture of an animal that could be used to make antivenom. Gerald drew a picture of a donkey and Lilia created a picture of a sheep getting a shot of venom from a rattlesnake. I drew a picture of a horse and named him Lucky because I am lucky to be alive and well.

Mrs. Hecklebee stated, “Rattlesnakes and other venomous snakes do not bite unless they are afraid they will be hurt by a person or large animal.”

She read a story about how to stay safe from being bitten by a rattlesnake or other venomous snakes. I learned most bites happen when people accidentally touch the snake with their foot while hiking or with their hand while gardening. We also brainstormed what we could do to avoid a venomous snake bite.

Sophia said, “My mom rakes the weeds in her garden before she starts pulling them with her hands to scare off any rattlesnakes.”

Manuel stated, “My dad and I love to go hiking in the woods and look carefully for snakes.”

I explained, “My dad now sweeps the leaves off the front porch even in the summer in case there is a rattlesnake.”

SIDEBAR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:

Talk to your parents about how to make your home safe from poisonous snakes and brainstorm safety rules for your home:

• Write one rule to keep your home safe from poisonous snakes.
• Draw a picture of you and your family using that rule at your home.

We shared our homework assignments with our classmates. Jasmine explained, “My mom was bitten by a rattlesnake when she was a little girl. She does not know what kind of medicine was given to her to make her better. She was very happy when I told her that we were learning how to stay safe from rattlesnake bites. Her suggestion was to respect the snake. Give it the space it needs to escape and observe the beauty of the snake after it returns to its home in nature.”

I love to hike, but I am careful and respect the beauty of all creatures in the forest. I will always love horses because they are beautiful animals that help save people’s lives.

Bibliography

Burton, J. A. (1998). The book of snakes. Edison, NJ: Chartwell Books.

Dussling, J. (1998). Slinky, scaly snakes! New York, NY: DK Publishing, Inc.

Ellis, E. (biologist personal communication, January 14, 2023).

Gentry, D. (biologist personal communication, January 11, 2023).

Kimura, S. (biologist personal communication, January 14, 2023).

Jackson, T. (2001). Nature’s children. Danbury, CT: Grolier Educational.

Julivert, A. (1993). The fascinating world of snakes. Hauppauge, NY: Barron’s Educational

Series, Inc.

Llewellyn, C. (1997). I didn’t know that some snakes spit poison and other amazing facts about       

   snakes. Brookfield, CT: Copper Beech Books.

Main, D. (2011, July 12). Popular Mechanics [Blog]. Retrieved November 18, 2022 from

https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/health/g561/hpw-to-make-antivenom-why-the-world-is-running-out/.

Markle, S. (1995). Outside and inside snakes. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster Children’s

Book Publishing Division.

McCarthy, C. (1993). Poisonous snakes. New York, NY: Shooting Star Press Inc.

Montgomery, S. (1999). The snake scientist. New York, NY: Houghton Mifflin Company.

Norwich, G. (2011). Snake-A-Phobia. New York, NY: Scholastic Inc.

O’Hare, T. (2005). Rattlesnakes.Vero Beach, FL: Rourke Publishing LLC.

Parsons, A. (1990). Amazing snakes. New York, NY: Alfred A. Knopf, Inc.

Pringle, L. (2004). Snakes! Strange and wonderful. Honesdale, PA: Boyds Mill Press, Inc.

Reinhart, B. (molecular biologist personal communication, February 17, 2023).

Richardson, A. (2003). Rattlesnakes. Mankato, MN: Capstone Press.

University of Melbourne (n.d.) What is antivenom? Retrieved November 21, 2022 from

https://biomedicalsciences.unimelb.edu.au/departments/department-of-biochemistry-and-pharmacology/engage/avru/discover/what-is-antivenom.

Venn, C. (2002). Rattlers and other snakes. Chicago, IL: World Book, Inc.