How to Parent Challenged Students

It is the dead of winter and students are locked up in classrooms with limited time to play outside due to unrelenting wind, cold, rain, or snow. Several students are recovering from viruses and flu. Many survive boredom by spending relentless hours playing computer games and visiting with their classmates online. Teachers are challenged with students suffering from cabin fever and mild winter depression.

Effective Classroom Strategies for Home Use

Here are 10 effective classroom management strategies that teachers use to calm students. These strategies are also effective for parents to use with their children at home.

Create a quiet space for children that is away from distractions and provides a nurturing environment. My classroom quiet space includes large soft huggable stuffed animals that children can lay on and read mediative books to self-regulate when overwhelmed with challenging situations.
Provide an assortment of fidget toys that may include squish and squeeze toys, rainbow relief sensory viewers, puzzle cubes, and fidget toys. These toys help students reduce their anxiety, relax, self-regulate, and concentrate.
Teach students slogans and cues to help them refocus and relax when learning difficult lessons.
Encourage students to breathe deeply and slowly exhale five times when feeling over-whelmed.
Integrate brain breaks throughout the day that may include dancing and singing with a video song, exercising, playing Simon Says with various movements, and participating in a daily run in favorable weather.
Have students participate in meditation and yoga activities before tests, after lunch time recess, and before large assembles.
Transition from one activity to another with fun brain breaks.
Reward students working extra hard with stickers and small incentive rewards.
Reward the class with points that are gained from focused learning and successful completion of assignments. A total of 50 points earned can be rewarded with special activities including pajama day, pizza party, popsicle treats, and technology day.
Reward the class on Fridays for a successful and productive week with 30 minutes of free play at the end of school day.

Emergency Survival Strategies

Some days are excessively difficult for struggling students. These 10 strategies can help teachers and parents reset a challenging day into a calmer day:

Have a staff member escort a student to a neutral area outside of the classroom for a time-out or for added time spent outdoors when weather permits.
Send the student to the nurse’s station or to the front office when the student is so overwhelmed with disturbing behaviors that may hurt themself or emotionally traumatize other students.
Conference with parents on a regular basis to ensure the parents of aware of their child’s challenged behaviors and work as a team to solve classroom misbehaviors.
Invite the student’s parent to volunteer in the classroom to help calm the student.
Partner with the parent to seek outside professional help for severely troubled students.
Model strategies that parents can use to help calm their child at home.
Encourage parents to practice regularly scheduled and relaxing bedtime preparation activities with their child that ensure sufficient sleep.
Encourage parents to prepare nutritional snacks and lunches that their child can easily eat at school.
Make sure the student drinks sufficient amounts of water daily and uses the bathroom regularly.
Enlist the assistance of the school nurse, counselor, and administrative staff when necessary.

When all else fails, the school staff will meet with parents to create a student success plan to monitor behaviors and ensure the student is receiving adequate support at home with partnership support at the school site.

Much success as you navigate the winter and spring quarters with your child in partnership with the classroom teacher.

Student Report Cards

Parents try a wide range of strategies to ensure their children are putting in the effort needed to bring home a strong report card. Many parents offer incentives, special meals, trips, events, and even cash to get kids to put in the work for their grades. While these tactics may work in the short term, the real goal should be to build intrinsic motivation for kids to do their best. Research shows that these external rewards (also known as extrinsic motivation) may fall short in the long run.

Talk About Academic Performance

So, what will work? Research shows that increasing motivation requires a focus on long term outcomes, values, and goal setting. These are not fully developed skillsets in children. Parents need to step in and help kids along the way. Here are some things you can do to help build this motivation from home:

Don’t wait for report cards to discuss grades. Teaching kids the importance of grades and to always try their best are values that are developed through regular discussion about expectations. These are not only expectations for grades, but for all activities: sports, art, music, and school. As my mother used to say, “Anything worth doing is worth doing right.” Whether kids are cleaning their room, working on a project, or studying for a test, we have to constantly teach them to put their best foot forward.
Help kids set goals. Whether kids are knocking it out of the park or they are performing below your expectations, there is always room for growth. Help kids choose tangible steps for growth that will help get them to the next step. At times you will have to temper kids’ expectations and other times you will need to push a bit. Finding the sweet spot for steps towards growth is a process in and of itself. Kids need help to learn this important skill.
Continually remind kids that they are not alone. You are there with them to help along the way. They need to be reminded of this. Kids will need you to plan. They will need you when they succeed. Most importantly, they will need you when they fail. Kids need to know that you are in their corner and you are with them for the journey, no matter what.
Celebrate the wins! Yes, I realize this may sound contradictory to my opening comments, but it’s important to recognize growth and effort. I would advise against grandiose gestures. Be sure to talk up your child. Tell your child that you are proud of their accomplishments. Maybe, get some dessert to recognize their efforts and growth. If they put in the work, it’s important to be there to celebrate and to continue to encourage that effort. The words and tone you use with your child becomes their inner monologue. You have the opportunity to build an inner voice that encourages growth and effort, or one that is self-defeating. When you’re there to celebrate the wins and to offer encouragement in the losses, your kid will learn to speak encouragement to themselves without even realizing it!

Growth Mindset: The Power of Yet

When my daughter was a toddler, one of her favorite videos to watch on repeat was The Power of Yet. This Sesame Street song was upbeat and fun for her to dance to, but the message was great as well. The singer was shown with a variety of muppets as they tried or practiced new skills; the message was that things may be difficult at first, but that just means we have not mastered them YET! This is the idea behind having a a growth mindset, a very important skill or approach to life that we must teach our kids. Without this mindset, they are likely to grow into teens and kids who cannot handle difficult situations or failure.

How to Help Our Kids Learn New Skills

Developing new skills takes time and kids need support to manage their emotions while they tackle new activities. As parents, we want to be sure our kids can be successful, but we have to be aware that too much intervention will keep our kids from developing appropriately. If our babies get frustrated with learning to use a spoon and we feed them to avoid the crying, we are robbing them of the time to learn that fine motor skill. When they are learning to tie their shoes, they will get frustrated at those darn bunny ears, but if we don’t encourage them to keep trying, they will be 30 years old and still wearing Crocs and velcro shoes. While these situations may seem silly, these are the early times when we are teaching a growth mindset. As kids get older, the situations get more serious: learning to advocate for themselves, learning to solve problems on their own, learning to speak out against unethical or immoral acts. As kids grow, we have to allow them to struggle as they learn new skills so they learn that failure leads to learning and success, not that failure leads to someone stepping in to do it for them.

Teaching Our Kids Critical Thinking Skills and Grit

So what can you do to help your child develop that growth mindset? Here are some very tangible suggestions for how to push your child to develop the skills, critical thinking, and grit needed when things get tough:

Talk to your child openly about this concept. When they ask for help, remind them that we learn by trying and practicing, not when others do things for us. We need to explain that we will help by giving advice and through encouragement, but many things they will need to learn and do on their own.
Remind them of the Power of Yet! We won’t be great at everything the first time we try it, but the more we try and the more we practice, the better we will get. When they say they can’t do something, remind them that they just can’t do it YET, but that they will get better and better over time.
When they are a bit older, include them in household problem-solving. When you need to create a grocery list, do a simple repair, or work out a budget, include them in the conversation. This will model that everyone has challenges and that they can work with you to solve problems as they arise.
Model learning a new skill! Whether you want to learn to play the guitar, invest, cook, or do some artistic landscaping, it’s good for your kids to see you struggling with new skills as well! You can talk about your wins and frustrations as part of the learning process and model a growth mindset for them.
Work with your child to set goals. Having goals and working towards them fosters motivation and engagement. These can be goals for home or school, but having goals helps push us forward.

Model Growth Mindset

Parenting isn’t easy, and none of us wants to see our kids struggle. But remember that it’s your job to help them learn how to problem solve and to learn new skills, not to solve problems or do things for them! Teach and model that growth mindset and take advantage of those teachable moments.

Teaching Our Kids Character Habits That Last a Lifetime (Part 2)

Teaching our Kids Character Habits That Last a Lifetime (Part 2)

When we help our kids learn character habits at school and at home, they excel more at school and home. My first blog post discussed how to help kids develop effective peserverance and leadership skills. Summarized below are strategies parents can use to help their children develop the character habits of empathy, bravery, and ethical behavior.

Empathy: See, Listen, and Feel with the Heart

Empathy teaches children to step outside themselves, understand others’ perspectives, and value diversity. It’s a cornerstone of healthy relationships and inclusive communities.

Build empathy by:

Talking about feelings and naming emotions
Asking reflective questions after social situations: “How do you think they felt?”
Reading diverse books that show different cultures, experiences, and points of view

Try this: Play “perspective switch”—have your child imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling in a situation.

Books to share:

I Walk with Vanessa by Kerascoët: A wordless book that shows a small act of empathy turning into a movement of kindness. Invites deep discussion across all ages.

Lubna and Pebble by Wendy Meddour: A touching story about a young refugee who finds comfort in a pebble and then chooses to comfort another. Beautiful for discussing empathy, courage, and friendship.

Bravery: Do Hard Things

Bravery isn’t just for superheroes. It’s for kids who try new things, speak up for what’s right, and believe in themselves.

Nurture bravery at home by:

Encouraging your child to take healthy risks (like joining a new group or speaking in front of others)
Supporting them when they make mistakes or feel nervous
Helping them advocate for themselves at school or in friendships

Try this: Ask, “What’s something brave you did today?”

Books to share:

Jabari Jumps by Gaia Cornwall: Jabari wants to jump off the diving board but has to face his fear first. A relatable and uplifting story of trying hard things.

Brave Irene by William Steig: Irene shows physical and emotional bravery as she battles a snowstorm to deliver a dress for her sick mother. A classic story of courage.

Ethical: Do the Right Thing

Ethical behavior means doing the right thing—even when no one’s watching. It’s about having integrity, especially when it’s hard.

Teach ethics by:

Modeling honesty and fairness in your own choices
Discussing real-life situations and asking, “What’s the right thing to do?”
Praising honesty—even when it comes with a tough consequence

Try this: Ask, “What do you do when no one is watching?” and celebrate those quiet wins.

Books to share:

Do Unto Otters: A Book About Manners by Laurie Keller: A humorous and engaging story about treating others the way you want to be treated. Fun, yet rooted in the golden rule.

A Bike Like Sergio’s by Maribeth Boelts: A boy finds money and wrestles with doing the right thing. Excellent for discussing honesty, temptation, and ethics.

My next blog post will discuss how parents can reinforce the character habits of accountability, respect, and service at school and in daily life activities that can last a lifetime.

Teaching our Kids Character Habits That Last a Lifetime

Teaching Our Kids Character Habits That Last a Lifetime (Part 1)

Academic success is important but so is raising children who are kind, courageous, and compassionate. That’s why many schools, including those inspired by EL Education, go beyond traditional academics to teach Habits of Character—the values and behaviors that help students become the best version of themselves.

While EL Education highlights four core character traits—Respect, Responsibility, Perseverance, and Compassion—many schools (like mine) build on this foundation to include other important habits such as Leadership, Empathy, Bravery, Ethical Behavior, Accountability, and Service. Together, these form a framework for developing responsible and resilient children.

The best part, you don’t need a classroom to teach these habits. Parents can nurture them at home, in the car, during family meals, and on the playground. Let’s take a closer look at each habit and how you can help your child grow in character every day.

Perseverance: Try and Try Again

In EL classrooms, perseverance means embracing challenges, using positive self-talk, and trying new strategies until success is found. At home, you can help build this habit by:

Encouraging your child to tackle difficult tasks instead of avoiding them
Modeling persistence when things get tough (even with adult frustrations!)
Celebrating effort, not just outcomes: “I’m proud of how you kept going!”

Try this: When your child wants to give up, ask, “What’s one more thing you could try?” or “Who could you ask for help?”

Books to share:

The Most Magnificent Thing by Ashley Spires: A funny and heartwarming story about a girl who struggles, fails, and tries again to create her “magnificent thing.” It’s a perfect example of grit and positive self-talk.

Rosie Revere, Engineer by Andrea Beaty: Rosie learns that failure is just a part of the process on the path to creativity and success. Encourages perseverance and curiosity.

Leadership: Inspire and Empower

Leadership isn’t about being in charge—it’s about inspiring excellence in others. Children can learn to lead by developing trust, thinking creatively, and modeling positive behaviors.

Help build leadership at home by:

Giving your child age-appropriate responsibilities
Encouraging them to speak up for themselves and others
Praising moments when they encourage siblings or friends

Try this: Ask, “What’s one way you helped someone feel confident today?”

Books to share:

What Do You Do With an Idea? by Kobi Yamada: A poetic story about nurturing ideas and having the courage to lead change, even when others don’t understand.

Swimmy by Leo Lionni: Swimmy helps a group of small fish work together to solve a problem. A simple but powerful example of leading through unity and creativity.

My next blog post will share how you can embrace the character habits of empathy, bravery, and ethical behaviors with your child at school and in daily life.