Your Child Hurts Himself and Doesn’t Want to Cry

Your Child Hurts Himself and Doesn’t Want to Cry!

One of my friends brought her child over to my home to play with my grandson. While running around the backyard, my friend’s son, Nathan, stumbled and fell hard on his knee. The knee was severely bruised and bloody. Shockingly, Nathan withheld any emotion although he was in extreme pain. My friend and I were alarmed that he was too self-conscious and afraid to express his true emotions. When approaching Nathan about his injury, my friend responded to his distress by:

Encouraging him to express how he felt
Telling him it was OK to cry
Reassuring and cuddling her son
Having her son help when washing and applying medicine on the knee

As an adult, I hardly ever cry. I don’t think it is healthy. I held back my emotions when family members were ill because I did not want to worry other family members and create turmoil. I wanted to be a good girl and denied my emotions to take care of the family.

When raising my children and now my grandchild, I have encouraged them to express their emotions. I want my grandson to learn how to feel his emotions and express them. If a child withholds his feelings, he may not identify his true feelings. Over time, the child may develop anxiety, anger, or depression about life’s circumstances.

When your child puts himself last and everyone else first, healthy relationships with family members have limited grow and may not be nurtured.

May you resolve those trying times with loving tears!

Joyce

How to Overcome Temper Tantrums and Moody Days!

We’ve all had those days. You know, the days where you wake up to the spring bird’s love song, the sun lightly kissing your face. With your morning cup of coffee in hand, you delight in seeing the dew on the flower petals. It’s peaceful. And calm.

And then you hear it.

“Mama, I can’t find my pants!” shrieks your toddler. You turn to see a red-faced, saliva-spewing monster. Make no mistake. He’s two, but a little devil is on the brink of bursting out of his body!

Calmly, you ask him if he remembers where he last put his pants, but no luck. You ask if he can wear another pair, but no, it has to be THOSE pants. By now, he is crying hysterically and no amount of reason will help him find his cool or his pants. So, you tell him to take a time out to calm down. Of course, that only makes him flip out. He stomps his feet and starts biting his forearm. As you leave him in his time out spot, he screams with daggers for a tongue, “You don’t love me anymore!”

Of course, details in this story have been modified to protect the innocent, but in hindsight, were there signs of a potential outburst looming on the horizon? What are the possible triggers that escalate a situation for a young child? As parents, what could we do to overcome these circumstances?

We may never quite know what goes on at any given moment within the developing mind of a young child, but consider these possible tantrum triggers:

Over stimulation – When children are overwhelmed by decisions, they are confused and frustrated. Try creating a plan and preparing ahead so there are no surprises. In this situation, setting out clothes the night before might help. Also, try keeping your child’s activities to a reasonable amount. If they are doing too much, it is not always a good thing. Sometimes, less is more.

Fatigue – Not only are children physically active, their brains are also learning and growing by leaps and bounds! Their physical body needs rest, and their mind needs rest as well. Did you know that the National Sleep Foundation recommends that preschoolers aged 3-5 years get 10 to 13 hours of sleep a day? Make sure your kids are well-rested according to their sleep needs. For example, my daughter took 2-hour afternoon naps until she was eight years old.

Communication blocks – Young children may not know how to articulate their feelings. Perhaps they don’t know how to respond emotionally and they may benefit from you teaching them feeling words so they can express themselves next time. Is it ok for them to be sad? Yes, they can cry, but what are other constructive ways to respond to this situation? Can they be flexible and accept an alternative? Can they be resilient and try finding their pants again? Help children use their words to communicate.

In all these circumstances, be patient, keep calm, and reassure your child that you are there to help him work through the sticky situations. Review the scenario with him so he has confidence on how to approach similar conditions in the future. Give him a big hug and let him know that you love him, no matter what.

What has helped you and your children overcome temper tantrums and bad moods?

Wishing you sunny days ahead,

Jaime

Planning Spring Play, Raising Lifetime Leaders

When the sun is out, the air is warm, and the birds are chirping, it’s time to beat those winter blues with outside play! While it is true that free play encourages imagination, allowing kids to “be bored” will unleash their creativity. There’s still lots to be said about helping children plan for play. As parents, modeling our thought process and questioning skills will help our children be decisive decision makers, become strategic planners, and develop leaderships skills. Consider the following scenario:

Phase 1 – Invite your child to be a decisive decision maker.

Child: Mommy, Daddy, can we play outside?

Parent: Sure, what would you like to do? Would you like me to help you think of ideas?

At this point, your child may very well say “No, thank you” to your offer of help. Imagine how empowered your child will feel because you gave him permission to say “No.” This is a very powerful step, as it communicates to your child that you trust him to be decisive in his decisions. He will continue to the next phase with a definitive idea for play all ready to go!

Phase 2 – Help your child become a strategic planner.

If your child says “Yes, please” to your offer, continue to give him authority of the decision-making process. Affirm his suggestions and watch his confidence grow!

Parent: Let’s come up with a few possible ideas. You can brainstorm and I’ll write the ideas down. (Be sure to write down all ideas without editing.)

Child: We can ride bikes, go skateboarding, play basketball, or even go hiking…

Parent: I like your ideas. These are great ideas. Keep them coming!

Phase 3 – Instill and develop leadership skills in your child.

Together, decide which ideas you don’t like, which ideas are possible, and how you plan to put them into action. Let your child take initiative of the plans and delegate how things get accomplished.

Parent: Sweetie, you’ve got some good ideas here, but I’m afraid we only have time to do one activity. Why don’t you pick one and let me know how I can help you get ready to go for our adventure!

Child: Thanks, Mom and Dad! It’s been raining so the trails might be closed. I’d like to go bike riding at the park instead. Could you bring the bikes down from the hooks in the garage? I’ll go get my helmet and pack water and snacks.

At the end of the day, your child is still taking advantage of a wonderful spring day to go play and have fun. Try having intentional conversations with your child and watch them bloom and thrive as confident, independent, and responsible young citizens!

Wishing you all the best,

Jaime

Student Anxiety: How to Cope

Recently, I read an article about the increased level of student anxiety arising in our schools. National research indicates that one-third of teenagers will experience an anxiety disorder. It is expected that 8 percent of students will be seriously impaired due to anxiety. These results indicate an increase from prior decades.

Student anxiety may arise from a range of causes from academic pressure to social forces. It reveals itself in younger children as well as in adolescents. Younger children may become clingy. When older children feel overwhelmed, they may become aggressive or refuse to participate in school activities.

Parents Want to Help

How can parents help their children through these anxious times? Parents’ gut reaction would often be to remove or lessen the source of the anxiety. For example, remove the child from a class that causes anxiety, or talk to the teacher and ask him/ her to reduce the work load for the child. This type of avoidance or reduction may not help the child deal with the issue that is causing the anxiety. In fact, avoidance may cause the problem to get worse.

Are We Making It Worse?

First, parents can look at themselves. Are they contributing to the anxiety about the future by being anxious themselves? Parent’s negative comments and conversations about the future or current issues may cause their children fear and worry. Children need reassurance that together their family can and will get through any difficult times.

Fear vs. Reality

Parents can also help by having their children describe what they are anxious about. For example, what are they afraid might happen if they stand up and give an oral report? How can they prepare to reduce the chances of problems? What can they do if a problem occurs?

Then after the event, they can debrief. How did it turn out? How did you handle problems that came up? How do you feel?

Often, the child will see that their fear was much worse than the reality. This process will help them learn to recognize their anxiety and know they can cope with it.

Anxious Times

Unfortunately, children face much more anxiety causing situations than their parents did. We cannot turn back the clock and make it go away, but we can teach our children how to cope. We can reassure them that they are not alone in their struggles. Parents’ love and affection for their children can be the foundation on which they face the world.

With love and affection,

Rosemarie

Care for Your Child by Caring for Yourself

Parents ensure that their children get enough sleep, make healthy food choices, and are ready to learn. Parents must also consider what they need to do for themselves for self-care. We are our children’s first and primary teachers. We should model the healthy lifestyle that we want our children to follow.

Summarized below are some effective tips for you to practice:

Plan for sufficient sleep each day, i.e. 7 hours.
Walk and exercise daily for at least 20 to 30 minutes.
Choose healthy food for meals and snacks.
Refocus during a challenging day by making time for reflection and reviewing your priorities.
Use humor to diffuse difficult situations.
Confirm your integrity by writing a personal mission statement.
Walk your talk and be true to your beliefs.
Maintain a spiritual base for you and your family. Help your children focus on your family’s spiritual beliefs when making daily decisions.
Cherish each moment of every day and live your best life.

When I apply these tips, my life is full of love, fulfillment, and promise. I can share this inner beauty and strength with my children. We all have a better day when I lead from my heart.

Heartful wishes,

Yvette