Celebrate Martin Luther King’s Holiday by Promoting Peaceful Solutions

Many schools and families celebrate the Martin Luther King Holiday by participating in community service activities to promote peaceful solutions. Our blogging team created a reflective writing activity for students at a local school. After reading an article about Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech on nonviolent social change for freedom, students completed the following questions:

List 5 dreams you have for a more equitable and peaceful life in your classroom or at home. Draw a picture of 1 dream.

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When reflecting on this activity, students shared that they felt excited about resolving conflicts at school by learning how to set boundaries for acceptable and not acceptable behaviors. For example, they could talk with the yard duty supervisor when a student violated their defined boundaries. A major challenge for most students is learning how to speak up when another child says mean or ugly statements. When students are insulted, they can learn how to tell another child to stop the behavior and then play with those who are caring and kind.

Parents can reinforce this activity by completing it at home. You and your children can brainstorm how you will care for each other when one of your children is rude or disrespectful. Some children are encouraged to take a time-out to reflect on their feelings and then talk with the offending sibling. You can also help your children learn how to talk with each other about their frustrations when experiencing mean and ugly behaviors from each other.

May you and your children have much success in honoring each other with nonviolent negotiated boundaries for personal growth.

Warm regards,

Mary Ann

Preparing for a New Year of Blogs

I recently decided to return to the classroom to help second grade students learn basic subjects. I am also considering becoming a substitute or long-term part-time teacher for a local school. When I write the blogs and parenting articles for families, I need constant contact with kids and their parents. This challenge has been solved by:

Providing workshops on parent education topics for schools and nonprofits serving families and education
Distributing reading materials for families at workshops and community fairs
Reading to kids and families at local events
Demonstrating how kids learn when playing with toys at toy stores and through community presentations
Working with teachers and parents in classrooms and modeling how to differentiate learning strategies for children

We Support Our Readers’ Needs

When we prepare for our blogging work in 2020, our blogging team is reflecting on our many successes and how we can support our readers’ ongoing concerns. We find that:

We must continue to provide parents with opportunities to help their children succeed as learners in the challenging times in our communities.
Parents can ensure that their children feel safe and secure in their daily lives at home and at school.
Families should balance each day to find time for themselves and for each child.
We can help our children explore careers through volunteering, internships, and summer jobs.
Our community must respond to those in need to foster healthy growth for all through community services, service-learning activities, and family projects.
Families and schools can help children develop their personal ethics and morality. They can reinforce a family’s values and the school’s guidelines for healthy and supportive learning for all.
All of us can nurture heathy emotional serenity. We can appreciate all that we have and express our gratitude to our family, friends, and community members.

Much peace and enlightenment this holiday season and the coming year!

Mary Ann

Yikes! My Middle School Child Is Becoming a Teenager!

It’s surprising how fast children grow, isn’t it? Just yesterday, they were a chubby, little baby and today, they are a tall, lanky bean pole! Well, just because kids may be physically grown up, they may still be growing in their mental, emotional, and social capacity. Having taught middle schoolers for a number of years, here are some insights on how to keep the relationship with your soon-to-be teenager smooth during these growing-up years.

Independence and Responsibility

Underneath their cool face or tough façade, teenagers are beginning to come to terms with two really intimidating facts of life – Independence and Responsibility. Teenagers desperately want their independence and they may start exerting some power in this area. They may refuse or decline your ideas so that they can pursue their own ideals. For better or worse, they may even adopt some of their friends’ ideas and habits. They are growing into their own person and it is wise to give them some freedom in this area.

Understanding Their Fears

As soon as kids start exploring their independence, however, they are soon confronted with the fact that they will have to accept more responsibility. Independence and responsibility go hand-in-hand! For some kids, they understand this and take it in stride. They work hard to prove they are responsible and enjoy many of the freedoms that come with increased independence. For other kids, they absolutely dread taking on more responsibility. They may see it as requiring more effort than they are willing to give and may intentionally sabotage their prospects of gaining more independence. And for others, they may not have the skill or foresight to plan ahead so they give up even before they have a chance to succeed.

Working Together

These teenage years serve as a time for you to gradually transfer more independence to your child as they mature into responsible adults. As parents, the best approach is to keep the lines of communication open with your child. If you see them being responsible and making a step towards being more independent, acknowledge your child’s efforts and accomplishments. Your words of affirmation will go a long way! For children who reject responsibility, gently show them that there are so many perks of independence as they grow into adulthood (choosing your own meals, going out with your friends, living in your own home, etc.). And for the child who has the right intention but lacks direction, create a plan together. Have your child list all their skills and past accomplishments, then have them write some personal or academic and professional goals. Together, form a plan with some action items to help guide them in the right course. Take it one step at a time!

Wishing you the best,

Jaime

How to Overcome Temper Tantrums and Moody Days!

We’ve all had those days. You know, the days where you wake up to the spring bird’s love song, the sun lightly kissing your face. With your morning cup of coffee in hand, you delight in seeing the dew on the flower petals. It’s peaceful. And calm.

And then you hear it.

“Mama, I can’t find my pants!” shrieks your toddler. You turn to see a red-faced, saliva-spewing monster. Make no mistake. He’s two, but a little devil is on the brink of bursting out of his body!

Calmly, you ask him if he remembers where he last put his pants, but no luck. You ask if he can wear another pair, but no, it has to be THOSE pants. By now, he is crying hysterically and no amount of reason will help him find his cool or his pants. So, you tell him to take a time out to calm down. Of course, that only makes him flip out. He stomps his feet and starts biting his forearm. As you leave him in his time out spot, he screams with daggers for a tongue, “You don’t love me anymore!”

Of course, details in this story have been modified to protect the innocent, but in hindsight, were there signs of a potential outburst looming on the horizon? What are the possible triggers that escalate a situation for a young child? As parents, what could we do to overcome these circumstances?

We may never quite know what goes on at any given moment within the developing mind of a young child, but consider these possible tantrum triggers:

Over stimulation – When children are overwhelmed by decisions, they are confused and frustrated. Try creating a plan and preparing ahead so there are no surprises. In this situation, setting out clothes the night before might help. Also, try keeping your child’s activities to a reasonable amount. If they are doing too much, it is not always a good thing. Sometimes, less is more.

Fatigue – Not only are children physically active, their brains are also learning and growing by leaps and bounds! Their physical body needs rest, and their mind needs rest as well. Did you know that the National Sleep Foundation recommends that preschoolers aged 3-5 years get 10 to 13 hours of sleep a day? Make sure your kids are well-rested according to their sleep needs. For example, my daughter took 2-hour afternoon naps until she was eight years old.

Communication blocks – Young children may not know how to articulate their feelings. Perhaps they don’t know how to respond emotionally and they may benefit from you teaching them feeling words so they can express themselves next time. Is it ok for them to be sad? Yes, they can cry, but what are other constructive ways to respond to this situation? Can they be flexible and accept an alternative? Can they be resilient and try finding their pants again? Help children use their words to communicate.

In all these circumstances, be patient, keep calm, and reassure your child that you are there to help him work through the sticky situations. Review the scenario with him so he has confidence on how to approach similar conditions in the future. Give him a big hug and let him know that you love him, no matter what.

What has helped you and your children overcome temper tantrums and bad moods?

Wishing you sunny days ahead,

Jaime

Do You Align Your Parenting Skills with Your Partner and Caregivers?

Whenever there are conflicts, parents, the extended family, and caregivers must agree to work together for positive resolutions. This can be difficult when different parenting skills and beliefs exist. It is important for parents to agree that they are on the same team. They must examine their beliefs, values, and strategies on how they want to respond to their children’s needs. Additionally, they must share their parenting strategies and expectations with the extended family members and caregivers to ensure that the parenting of their children is as consistent as possible.

Conflict Resolution Strategies

Consider the following suggestions when you cannot agree how to resolve conflicts with your children:

Inconsistent parenting creates chaos and confusion for the family; adults and children. Some parents are very strict, some are very permissive, and others are democratic and adapt natural and logical consequences. Parents may have to compromise when setting expectations for behavior. When parents cannot agree, they may benefit by taking a parenting class or consulting parenting guides either online or in printed texts. Pick your battles carefully and determine which parenting strategies will meet most of your needs.
Screen time; television, video games, and cell phone activities, can create significant conflicts for parents. Ideally, parents can agree to limit screen and television time to no more than one hour per day during the work week as families have limited face time with each other. Weekends can be negotiated depending on the family’s needs and opportunities.
Scheduling quality family time creates challenges because some parents are more responsible for family care. Typically, one or both parents may have work hours that prevent them from being with their children very much during the work week. An absent parent may become disconnected with their children’s needs and be resented by the family because of their absences. The family must manage their time to ensure that quality family time is available each week. Such valuable time may have to be created by securing support from extended family members when needed.

Aligning Parenting Differences

It is critical that parents and caregivers work together to resolve challenges, regardless of their parenting differences. It is never to late to align your parenting styles and become consistent when disciplining and setting expectations for your children.

Happy united parenting!

Joyce