Ways to Get Your Tween or Teen to Talk with You

Ask your tween or teen any question these days, and they are likely to reply with a vague grunt or the nonchalant shoulder shrug. Dare to start a dialogue with them, and you’ll be met with the notorious eye roll, am I right? As difficult as it may seem, children in the tween and teen stage still need positive connections with their parents. Parents need to keep in mind that it may take a few inventive and creative tactics to get that connection started. Don’t give up! Here are a few strategies that have worked for me:

Coca-Cola Tic Tacs

I have a candy stash in a drawer next to my desk. But not just any candy – it has to be high quality candy, not the kind kids get trick-or-treating or going on egg hunts. These special sweets are usually ones kids wouldn’t spend their own money to buy and yet they crave. I’m talking about the toasted hazelnut with crispy wafer covered in chocolate, the gourmet jelly beans, candies in Asian flavors that are usually imported, and yes, the Coca-Cola Tic Tac (these are highly coveted in my household!).

I let my kids know that they are welcome to have one of these candies every so often – they just need to come and ask me for permission. Naturally, kids come in a happy mood when they want one of those candies! I take that perfect opportunity to ask how they are doing and what they are up to. If they are sullen, I use that time to provide a listening ear and give some comfort. I keep the conversation short, but do request an honest and courteous response from my kids. Then, they get a candy and both of us are satisfied – I’ve received an honest answer from them, and we both enjoyed a candy together. I enjoy keeping up this sweet habit.

Car Dates

These days, it’s really hard to carve out one-on-one time with each child, so I try to create a win-win situation by taking one child with me to run errands (for example, going grocery shopping or going to Target). Since this child is my sole passenger, they get to sit in the front seat and they get to choose which radio station we listen to. While completing the errand, I always ask this child for their input and suggestions (like meal suggestions). These simple privileges make them feel special and they might even lower down their guard, even if it is for a short ride. During this “car date,” I always make small talk because you never know when it’ll provide the opportunity for a deeper conversation. For example, I remember shopping for deodorant when my daughter told me about a related, embarrassing situation, which then led to a conversation about hygiene, which then led to a conversation about healthy body image. These deeper conversations don’t always happen, but I am happy when they do!

Check-Ins

When my kids were younger, we used to read bedtime stories with them before they were tucked in for the evening. These days, we use a more “grown up” version for our middle schoolers. Much like a check-in that a parent would have at work with their supervisor, my children also prefer weekly check-ins. A weekly check-in consists of open-ended questions that are good for reflection and goal setting. Always end the talk on a positive note. Some of our discussions and affirmations are around one or more of these questions:

What was one positive thing that worked out for you this past week?
What is something new that you learned?
Did anything surprise you this past week?
How are you feeling about ___________?
How are you getting along with your sibling(s) and friends?
Do you have a goal or practice (e.g. academic, physical, social, spiritual) that you want to adjust or improve?
What could I do to support you in achieving your goals?

What are some of your tricks and tips? Do share!

Jaime

What Will We Do With Children This Summer?

What Will We Do with Children This Summer?

It is spring and our children are getting excited about summer camps and activities. Many communities are now scheduling children for summer camps with an alternative plan of online activities if communities are forced to reenter lockdowns due to new COVID outbreaks. Activities that remain flexible include:

Sports camps that reinforce independent skill development drills in sports like soccer and karate
Snow skiing and outdoor sports camps while social distancing with others
Park play, nature hiking, and beachcombing
Swim lessons in a private pool without other students and masked instructors
Cultural camps offered remotely
Outdoors camping and backpacking trips
Computer literacy camps
Entrepreneur online camps
Sewing camps with individualized learning options
Music camps with individualized learning options

Social-Emotional Focus

As you and your children consider summer camp options, consider:

How to enhance the social-emotional needs of your children
Opportunities for your child to socialize with others
How to best limit computer time and enjoy the great outdoors
Activities your child can do to give back to his or her community with community service activities

Much success with adaptable play camps this summer!

Joyce

Helping Our High School Students Prepare for College

As we complete another year of primarily remote learning, our high school students continue to thrive. Many of our graduating seniors have been accepted to four-year colleges with a full year of early learning college credits. These students showcase their talents by participating in college and career events at the school as they interview with board members for future careers and college goals.

Celebrate Achievement

This celebration of achievements prepares our students for the essential skills and educational requirements they will need to complete their college and career goals. As we consider next steps with all of our middle and high school students, we are striving to fully engage them in student led parent-teacher conferences throughout their school years.

Engage Student Learning

To achieve student engagement, we will be adapting the SOAR model of student owned learning (i.e. see Student-Engaged Assessment by Laura Greenstein and Mary Ann Burke) per the following steps:

We will consider what an engaged learner looks like per various definitions of student engagement. Examples may include that the learner is a problem-solver with a variety of solutions, an explorer, or supports community services and an equitable global economy.
Students will apply the SOAR model of learning where a Student Owns their Learning with Achievable Results.
First, the student is ready to learn with sufficient sleep, diet, homework completion, and motivation.
Second, the student understands how he or she learns best (i.e. linguistically, logically, musically, visually, or kinesthetically) and applies this learning style to challenging new lessons. The student learns to modify leaning styles to be more flexible in achieving results.
Third, the student will work with the teacher to determine how she or he will demonstrate learning and apply these strategies to document performance.
Fourth, the student will reflect on what worked and what he or she needs to change in being able to complete the assignment.
Finally, after building a portfolio of lesson completions, the student will meet with her or his teachers to determine final grades and how this documentation will be presented to parents in an upcoming conference.

Students Own Learning

The goal is that the student will be better prepared to understand how he or she can best achieve academic successes and overcome challenges. When feeling challenged, the student will be able to successfully advocate for her or himself in daily life and while attending college.

Much success as we help prepare our kids to self-advocate for their academic and personal growth goals!

Yvette

Teaching Our Children About Their Cultures

My family celebrates Saint Patrick’s Day because we are primarily Irish. We wear green, enjoy a corned beef and cabbage dinner, and decorate the house with shamrocks, Leprechauns, and pots of god. We may listen to some Irish music and read Irish folklore. We also talk about what we value most about our family heritage.

Culturally Sensitive School Celebrations

During the winter months our students celebrate a variety of culturally sensitive holidays at school. These include Martin Luther King Junior Day, presidents’ holidays, and the Cesar Chavez holiday. Several also celebrate Chinese New Year, the Tet Festival, or Saint Patrick’s Day with their families. We write stories about favorite holidays and share details about how our families celebrate a specific holiday. Most students describe a special meal that was part of the celebration with culturally relevant foods and traditions. Many families typically invite relatives to these special meals and celebrations.

At the end of this cultural unit, students will write their version of their family’s bill of rights with a mission statement or the values of their family. When considering the first ten amendments to the United States Constitution, the Bill of Rights protects the basic rights of community members. These include the freedom of speech, press, assembly, and worship. Here is an example of a family’s mission statement with some rights within a family:

Creating a Family Bill of Rights

Our family’s mission statement is to protect, respect, and support each other in our healthy development of individual family members. Our family’s bill of rights includes these 10 freedoms:

The right to be respected and supported by each family member
The right to have individual needs expressed and supported by family members
The right to express individual feelings and beliefs about a situation without threats of being ridiculed or punished for those beliefs
The right to attend school and participate in extra-curricular activities and team sports
The right to participate in age-appropriate social and physical fitness activities with friends
The right to participate in service learning, community services, community leadership activities
The right to go to church and participate in age-appropriate church sponsored social activities
The right to explore and plan for a career path and college preparation
The right to work in a job with school-supportive hours while also attending high school
The right to help family members with project-based learning activities

A Family’s Bill of Rights Impacts a Family’s Values

Whenever, we complete this project with parents and their children, families are able to focus on what their values, mission, and bill of rights are for their family. These provide guidance with goals of what they would like their family to achieve. Many families frame or post their family’s mission statement and bill of rights in a prominent place in their home. These become a motto for family harmony and a guide for family growth.

Much success as you celebrate your family heritage and identify your family’s values with a mission statement to support the development of your family’s bill of rights.

Mary Ann

Friends, Silence Makes Us Complicit

Friends, Silence Makes Us Complicit

In May 2020, George Floyd was killed while in police custody. And while this senseless, callous act was committed between a police officer against a human being, to my great horror, another equally ugly and grievous act was being committed – an Asian police officer stood by and did nothing to stop George Floyd’s death. In response to this act, my cousin rightly pointed out that “it is not ok to stand silently by in quiet solidarity. Friends, silence makes us complicit.” Boy, oh boy, did that last statement hit me like a ton of bricks! It made me realize that for far too long, I had been silent. But as an Asian American, where do I start finding my voice as an ally? How should I start leaning into anti-racism?

Acknowledgement

First, I had to acknowledge and confess some truths about myself. As I reflected on my experience concerning racism, I discovered that I am sometimes both victim and offender. As an Asian American, I experienced my fair share of racism – sometimes subtle, sometimes overt – but nothing like the recent aggressive attacks on elderly Asians across the country (a topic for another blog post!). However, the expectation to fit into the “model minority” role also enabled me to assimilate and be a recipient of privilege. This dichotomy made me feel uneasy and regretful, and perhaps it now continues to serve as the driving force for learning how to speak up against racial injustice.

Awareness

Realizing that I do not know enough about the Black American experience, I started reading books and watching videos so that I could gain an awareness of racism in America, but also how I could celebrate diversity and promote reconciliation. Here are a few of the resources that have made a big impact on how I am becoming more aware of racism in America:

How to Be an Antiracist, book by Ibram X. Kendi

I Am Not Your Negro, documentary by Raoul Peck

Just Mercy, movie directed by Destin Daniel Cretton, book written by Bryan Stevenson

Multiethnic Conversations, book by Mark DeMaz and Oneya Fennel Okuwobi

Roadmap to Reconciliation, book by Brenda Salter McNeil

Selma, movie directed by Ava DuVernay, book written by Paul Webb

Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You, book by Jason Reynolds

Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria, book by Beverly Daniel Tatum

Action

One of the vignettes described in Roadmap to Reconciliation was about a white woman who visited a museum documenting brutal and horrific lynchings. Her response to this experience resonated with me. She said, “I don’t know what to do with what I just saw. I can’t fix your pain, and I can’t take it away, but I can see it. And I will work the rest of my life to fight for you and for your children so they won’t experience it.”

Like this woman, I too, feel the pain of what has happened in the past, including present day racial injustices. I want to contribute to and promote a more anti-racist society. My first step of action was to seek accountability in my personal journey to keep learning about racism in America, so I joined a discussion group. We have been meeting each week to share what we have been learning. At first, we reported different sources of information but eventually the format of our meetings morphed into a book club where we all read and discussed the same book. Our last project together was to organize a community viewing and panel discussion of “’54,” a documentary about Sunnyhills, the first planned integrated community in America. On a professional level, I helped organize parent workshops and found presenters to speak about how to raise anti-racist kids.

Change

These are just small steps in the larger anti-racism movement, but I am no longer silent.

Friends, what books or resources would you recommend as we continue leaning into anti-racism? What actions would you suggest so we can stand in solidarity against racial injustice?

My very best,

Jaime