Helping Your Child Make Healthy Choices

Spring is a time for awakening, growth, and beautiful sunny days of blooming trees and flowers. It is also the time that our children are feeling excited about the final days of school and various spring events. We can help our children become grounded by asking them these questions:

How do you treat your friends and family?
What does your family or teacher tell you that helps you become happy and successful?
What are your accomplishments at home or school?
What is your legacy or your contribution to your family or classmates?
What type of support do you need from your family or teacher to achieve your legacy or contribution to your family or classmates?
Who has had the greatest impact on your life and how did he or she inspire you?

Family Dinner Discussions

Some families like to ask their children one of these questions each night when eating the family dinner. When you have younger children, it may be easier to discuss each question as part of your quality time together before bedtime. And other families like to include one of these questions each time they meet for a weekly family meeting. A weekly family meeting provides the family with an opportunity to:

Have family members discuss what is happening in their lives and brainstorm solutions on challenges
Discuss the upcoming week of family activities
Review the weekly chore list and adjust as needed for scheduling conflicts
Plan for upcoming family outings, vacations, and activities
Identify community service and church related activities that the family can participate in to give back to their community

Family Meetings

When organizing a family meeting, family members can rotate facilitating the meeting or taking notes. Much success this spring as you fully engage your family in a new beginning of growth and learning.

Mary Ann

Wonderful Experiences with Dad Across the Miles

Although Kinji’s dad works in Japan, my grandson thinks his relationship with his father is quite normal when he shares extended time with his father in the United States or in Japan. Between visits, their close relationship is maintained through regular FaceTime phone calls throughout the week. Ongoing phone conversations focus on:

Their daily life activities and Kinji’s new Lego creations
My grandson’s exciting adventures at school
Kenji’s participation in various afterschool programs including Karate and swimming
Math discussions on prime numbers, multiplication, and how to identify number patterns

When Kinji’s dad comes to visit in the United States, my grandson lives with him for several days. Because they regularly talk on the phone, my grandson and his dad are able to continue their discussions about daily life while also sharing memorable activities including:

Attending local football games
Going to the movies
Playing at parks
Eating dinners at various restaurants
Visiting with cousins and relatives
Building new Lego kits

Kinji’s recent visit with his dad was limited because his father was in the process of moving to Thailand for a new work assignment. This relocation to a new country is exciting for Kenji because he will be able to explore another country and culture with his father during his future extended trips overseas.

May our grandchildren and children cherish their many cultural adventures with family members around the world!

Joyce

Yikes! My Child Is Struggling with School

Winter report cards were just distributed and your child is struggling with various core subjects. Many parents feel overwhelmed when their child is not happy with the daily school routine. The report card may reflect many of these ongoing challenges. To clarify frustrations, consider asking your children these questions:

What frustrates you about school?
How do you get along with your teacher?
What can I do to help you succeed in the classroom?
What can you do to improve your relationship with your teacher?
What can we do at home to build your learning and resiliency skills?
How can we partner with the school to ensure your success?

Elementary Student Solutions

Through these discussions, parents can listen to their children’s fears about learning and identify concerns and needs. After probing more deeply into your children’s feelings about their classroom experiences, it is time to meet with the teacher to create a plan of successful actions. Effective solutions for elementary school students might include:

Work with the teacher to select reading books that are academically appropriate to support reading skill development. Many teachers can provide parents with guidance on various age appropriate book lists or online resources to reinforce reading challenges.
Ensure that your child is reading each day for at least 20 minutes. This can include sharing the reading of a book together, alternating reading each page to each other, having your child read to you, and reading to your child. This should be a positive experience of nurturing and support for both of you. Have your child read books that he or she wants to read and you can read the harder books to your child.
Integrate art and family play activities with reading. For example, you can visit historical sites when reading about local history or celebrations. Then you and your child can watercolor a site that you visited or create a framed college of a historical family outing.
For math, you can play math games and help your child develop math facts through the use flash cards. Encourage your child to help you with various home projects and work together to problem solve using various math applications. Kids love to cook, measure, calculate square footage, build, sew, construct, design, and budget. All of these activities require various mathematical applications you can support through your guidance and modeling. Ensure that these projects are fun for both of you.
Participate in the classroom to learn how to support your child’s learning at home.
Offer to prep various projects for the teacher to establish an ongoing dialogue of support.

Middle and High School Student Solutions

Middle and high school students should meet with the teacher first and then include their parent in the discussion if not successful. The students can lead the discussion on how to resolve their challenges with a teacher. The teacher and students can also devise a plan on how they can succeed in a class. Then parents can follow-up with both the teacher and their children at predetermined intervals to ensure that all are supporting students’ successes.

Much success in partnering with the school!

Mary Ann

The Power of “No”

My daughter was always an eager, adventurous eater. Once she was old enough to be introduced to solid foods, there was no stopping the discovery of culinary delights! She slurped down noodles, chomped up her vegetables, sipped on bone-broth soups. She sampled foods from every cuisine including American, Chinese, Mexican, Japanese, Thai, and Greek. However, we started discovering that she complained about certain cookies, or Vietnamese noodles, or some but not all granola bars. Completely baffled, we asked her what was wrong with these foods and she said that they were spicy. Soon enough, she had her first ever PB&J sandwich. That’s when her face got red and swollen, her throat closed up making breathing difficult – she was experiencing an anaphylactic reaction to peanuts.

In the aftermath of discovering her peanut allergy, we had to make lots of changes in her diet. Our once adventurous eater became a hesitant eater. One could even call her a picky eater, but no one was blaming her! When she asked why she had allergies, we explained that every person is born with certain physical attributes and personality traits, and it’s what we do with them that gives us character. We explained to her that her physical attribute of having a food allergy might be contributing to the development of a strong personality trait of self-control. In other words, my 5-year-old was learning the power of “no” at an early age.

Setting Boundaries

What does “no” look like to a 5-year-old in this context, you may wonder? Some kids may think that “no” is a punishment, a restriction, or a denial of privileges and pleasures. However, you may actually be surprised that this is not the case! A “no” response to certain foods meant that my daughter trusted her parent’s better judgement for her safety. A “no” response meant that my daughter acknowledged and respected her natural limitations and boundaries.

So how is this powerful? She is now 13 years old, but from a young age, my daughter has learned the power of “no” and has used it many times. Here are some of the lessons learned:

It’s ok to say “no” to friends. Just as peanuts are bad for her, she has realized that certain friendships and relationships can be toxic, too.
It’s ok to say “no” as a means of delayed gratification. She has received many gift cards for birthdays and holiday gifts, but has said “no” to impulse spending. Instead, she saved them up to buy something better and more significant, usually when it is at a discount.
A “no” response is an opportunity to explore something different. After a while, being allergic to peanuts did not stop her from trying new foods. Bring on pickled herring, stinky tofu, kimchi, and durian! This same spirit of exploration was applied to playing sports, learning a new hobby, and learning how to cook.
A “no” response is not always the final answer. It may mean that her desired outcome was meant to happen after some reflection or personal growth, perhaps at a different time or with a different outcome all together.
Sometimes, “no” means “no.” Not everything in life goes our way and sometimes, we have to learn to accept reality and be content. Being content is truly liberating!

How are you practicing the power of “no” with your kids?

Jaime

How to Become a Mindful and Attentive Parent

Each January, I consider how I can do a better job of balancing my daily life when considering my family’s needs, work obligations, and needs for play, exercise, and spiritual growth. When I consider my family’s needs, I find that my ability to give sufficient attention and listen to individual family members can be challenged when working on another project or trying to multi-task to finish a household chore. This coming year, I plan to overcome this challenge by becoming more mindful and attentive in my daily interactions with family members. I also plan to track how many minutes a day I am able to focus on individual family members when they are talking to me or when I am engaged in one-on-one activities. I plan to also implement the following time management strategies:

Time Management Strategies

Simplify each day by reducing the number of chores attempted each day.
Cook dinners three times a week with planned leftovers on alternate nights.
Encourage teens and other adults to alternate cooking meals and help with meal preparations.
Schedule 30 minutes a day with each child and teach the family to respect the time allocated for each child. (Through consistency and example, children learn quickly how to respect each child’s allocated time.)
Give myself an hour a day for exercise, meditation, leisurely reading, or thinking.
Schedule another hour a day to spend with my partner so we can talk about our lives and brainstorm solutions to daily challenges.
Limit the time spent watching mindless television shows and playing on the computer or phone.
Manage my work schedule.
Consider how frequently I am leaving the home at night for meetings, social events, and errands. Adjust my schedule to regularly be home at night for the family.
Consolidate errands and limit them to a couple of times a week.
Brainstorm other strategies to spend more time with family and less time being preoccupied with daily responsibilities.

More Family Play

May your new year be filled with more family time. As you and your children brainstorm solutions to managing daily tasks, they will thrive because you will be more relaxed and have more time to play. When parents model effective parenting and household management strategies, their children feel valued. They also have the opportunity to talk with their parents when they feel challenged with family members at home and with the demands at school.

Much success with mindful parenting!

Mary Ann