“Out-Growing Their Age” – How to Initiate Self-Reflection for Your Child

It is my firm belief that self-reflection can be nurtured in children while they are young. It’s different for each child since children mature at different rates, but in general, kids are independent enough around age five to start reflecting for personal growth and accepting responsibilities for their actions. Here is a strategy I have used with my children as they approached each birthday. In our home, we call it “Out-growing our age.” Even as my children are pre-teens now, we continue this practice to encourage self-reflection.

5-Year-Old Reflections

This first started when my kids were approaching their 5^th birthday. They started becoming aware that birthday parties were all about them and that the whole event would be a celebration of them. While I love my kids and love celebrating who they are, I didn’t want their birthday party to be self-centered in the negative way. Instead, I wanted their birthday to be a pivotal point for self- assessment. If they were going to get a birthday party, what would I get out of their growing older? I wanted my kids to mature: to out-grow personal bad habits and negative behavior.

A week or so before their birthday, I would tell them that I’m so proud of them and that I’m really looking forward to their getting older and turning 5 years old. I also told them that sometimes, just like how we out-grow our clothes and shoes and can no longer wear them anymore because they no longer fit, we also out-grow bad habits. Could they think of something that is a 4-year-old habit or behavior that they would like to out-grow because it is not fit for a 5-year-old? I left her with a few suggestions to think about.

A few days later, I checked in on my 4-year-old, and amazingly, she said she would like to out-grow screaming tantrums and “I want” demands. (Cue Mama-bear happy dance!) I hugged her and let her know that was the perfect thing to out-grow. I also gave her guidance and suggested she should use the phrase “May I” or “Can I” when requesting something she wanted. We had a few initial lapses, but a few reminders of what she wanted to out-grow was all it took to get her back on track.

Elementary Age Kids’ Reflections

Over the years, we had many good heart-to-heart birthday talks about what bad habits and negative behaviors they would like to out-grow. We think of it as a personal year-end review or a self-assessment. Our girls have wanted to “out-grow” forgetting to pick up their stuff (socks, shoes, backpacks, snot rags) around the house, dilly-dallying before bedtime, and being mean to their sister.

Preteen Conversations

Now that our kids are 10 and 12, our conversations are on the positive slant. We look for characteristics of maturity that we want to grow into. For example, the girls have said they want to have better time management, to be more forgiving, to let others have more opportunities to speak at the dinner table, and to be more responsible. These days, their birthdays are a mark of maturity and a real reason celebrate!

Cheers,

Jaime

Parents Are Their Children’s First Teachers

Parents are silhouette-1082129__340 their children’s first and primary teacher. As the primary teacher of their children, they are responsible for nurturing their children’s healthy development.

Parents As First Teachers

The following strategies can assist parents in providing their children with loving guidance and support:

Communicate through your actions, words, readings, and by writing. Preschool children love to sing, talk, and act. All children love to read with their parents and talk about the story, predict, ask clarification questions, and create new adventures with the book’s characters. Children can enjoy telling stories that are captured through writing and pictures.
Listen with respect and ask questions for understanding. When listening to children, parents can ask clarification questions for added information. Thoughtful questions help children clarify solutions to their problems.
Give your complete attention each day and engage in playful learning. Children need and relish their parents’ time and attention. Parents can create a playful environment with their children and talk with them during your special times together. When engaging them in thoughtful conversations, parents can ask them questions that help them think and problem-solve solutions for everyday situations.
Advocate for your children’s needs. When children are struggling, parents can ask for help and acquire the necessary resources to help their children succeed. Parents do not need to have all the answers. They should not be embarrassed or ashamed to ask for help when their children are struggling with life or school.
Set appropriate and consistent boundaries when disciplining your children. Children feel loved and supported when parents work with them in setting limits for misbehavior. Once boundaries are established and defined, it is important to consistently reinforce them with respectful guidance.

Next Steps

Finally, you can reflect and comment on examples of how you successfully help your children as their primary teacher. Best practices can be shared in future blogs.

Treasure the journey!

Mary Ann

Back to School, Already?

I always loved the beginning of the school year as a student and as a teacher. It was always an opportunity to begin again, to do things better in the new school year.

How can we as parents and guardians be better this year? We are, after all, partners in the education of our children. Taking on the role of partner with our children’s school is the best way to ensure our children will receive the best education possible. Research has shown a connection between parent engagement and improved student learning. How can you be supportive partners and advocates? Here are some suggestions:

Get to know your children’s teachers and the principal. Communicate regularly.
Get to know various teachers’ personalities and how they work with children. Get to know their expectations and goals for their students.
Talk to the teachers about your children. Tell them about your family’s values and traditions. Build two-way relationships.
Learn about what your children are learning. Some teachers send notes home with that information. If they do not, ask your children and ask the teachers. Look at the work your children bring home to get a clue. Sometimes schools hold literacy, math or science nights. These are great opportunities to become familiar with what and how your children are learning.
Talk to your children about their day. If the answer you receive to “What did you learn?” is “Nothing.”, ask more specific questions. “Tell me something funny that happened in school today.” “Tell me something surprising that happened.” “Tell me something serious or sad that happened.” These starters should get a conversation going.
If your young child is having problems with homework or with schoolwork, and you are at a loss as to how to provide support, schedule a meeting with the teacher. Use the time to share about your child’s experience from your perspective and seek to understand what your child needs to be able to do from the teacher’s perspective. At the end, clarify how the teacher will support your child’s growth and how you will support it from home. Follow up until you are satisfied that your child is doing better.
As children get older they should be encouraged to communicate directly with the teacher when they are having problems learning, but it is still helpful to your child if you monitor to make sure the support is being sought and received.
Help in the classroom or take part in classroom activities such as field trips to the extent you can. Children love seeing their parents in school. That will likely change when they reach middle school, so take advantage while you can.
Get involved in school activities. Attend meetings and social events to keep abreast of the needs of the school at large. Parents can play a critical role in the school’s welfare, whether through school beautification activities or fundraising efforts aimed at enhancing educational opportunities for students.
Know that the school belongs to you as a member of the community. Own it. As you take on the feeling of ownership, so will your child. When children have a feeling of belonging in their school, they learn better.
If English is not your first language and you are having trouble communicating at school, request translation. Schools must provide translators when a language is spoken by at least 15% of students at the school.

As parents and guardians, we have the opportunity to renew our commitment to the education of our precious children, a critical path to their future and to ours.

With love and affection,

Rosemarie

Adjusting to the First Weeks of School

In California, school now begins in mid-August through the beginning of September catching many of us by surprise. All of a sudden, it is necessary to mobilize our children and get them out the door early with their lunches, homework, backpacks and freshly brushed hair. How can we best smooth this transition?

The prospect of a fresh start to the school year is marketed through back to school shopping for new outfits, school supplies and backpacks. The prospect of reconnecting with friends, sharing summer experiences and finding the new classroom are also helpful. How can we best sustain this energy and enthusiasm beyond the first day?

Learn the Classroom Rules

One of my sons had a sixth grade teacher whose mission that first week was to hit the ground running in terms of organization and parental involvement. Each day my son brought home a checklist for us to review, initial and then sign for him to bring to school the next morning. My son earned points for having all of his homework completed, his notebook organized etc. He lost points for loose papers, and notably the absence of a make or break parental signature page. At the end of the week, if he was successful in attaining the required number of points, my son would participate in the class party. The substance of the party varied and could include free time, a class outing or watching an educational video.

On the other hand, those students who did not meet the required point minimum, would have to stay after school, miss lunch and most importantly go to another room during the reward time. This regime was harsh. Typically, the same students continuously missed out. From my educator’s perspective, they often had learning disabilities such as attention deficit or executive functioning challenges. Yet in our own household this regime shaped a renewed commitment to organization.

Get Organized the Night Before

Before going to sleep, under my watchful eye, my son packed his backpack according to his check sheet specifications. He placed it next to the exit door, which we could not possibly avoid without tripping over it. The required parental signature document was taped on the front door next to the doorknob, for reference early the next morning. The ensuing day’s outfit including shoes and socks were selected and laid out the night before. His lunch was prepared and labeled with his name and placed at the front of the shelf eye level in the refrigerator. We didn’t dare forget the lunch, as we were strongly discouraged from bringing it up to school if it were left behind.

Support the Teacher

This entire regime was an anathema to our somewhat chaotic style of parenting. It seemed both harsh and inflexible. Each morning, I found that my son was positioning at the starting line and sprinting to the car. Yet he learned the following valuable lessons:

Figure out the new teacher’s system.

Like it or not, follow these instructions as the teacher is in charge.

As much as possible, plan ahead and assemble the necessary items in advance.

No matter what, bring the freshly minted parental signature sheet every day.

With my heartfelt wishes for a smooth start to the school year,

Karen

Welcome to Another New School Year!

This week, thousands of California students will return to their classrooms. Parents are busily preparing for the final days of summer and getting ready for the new school year by:

Completing dental, doctor, and immunizations documentation for school registrations
Helping their children transition into a new classroom by organizing clothes, school supplies, and space for homework completion
Making final plans for before and after-school childcare and play activities
Helping their children prepare for the first day of school by getting an alarm clock, going to bed earlier, and understanding any school transportation and classroom assignments

10 Safety Strategies

As parents complete the many varied tasks for a new school year of transitions, many are also feeling more anxious about their children’s safety due to new security breaches and immigration challenges. Parents ask what they can do to ensure that their children feel safe and secure. Summarized below are 10 strategies to help families prepare for these challenging situations:

Make a safety plan for a generalized family emergency. Agree where the family will meet if there is a community emergency.
Assure children that they should follow all directions by school administrators. Review the school’s policies and procedures with your children that are listed in the student handbook.
Ensure each child has time to express their worries and concerns daily. When they are scared or upset about a situation at school, brainstorm solutions and assure them that you are there to be their advocate.
Continue to arrange play dates for your children after school so that they feel secure with their classmates.
Attend back to school nights and learn what the school will do in an emergency.
Meet your child’s teacher and assure the teacher that you are available for added support.
Participate in the school’s community service activities and help your children learn about the various services and resources available to families in their communities.
Participate in community fairs to ensure that your children learn about public services and agencies.
If you participate in a religious organization, have your children become active in the various church community activities.
Talk with older children about community issues and vote at local and national elections.

Engage in Your Community

Your children can become resilient and fully engaged in your communities when you participate with them in various school and community activities and vote at regional and national elections.

Much success as a fully engaged family in your community!

Mary Ann