Talking About Death and Difficult Subjects Reading Activity

Children are often curious about understanding the death of a pet or family member. You can read your child an age appropriate book or the story below about the death of a father when a child is a preschooler or early elementary student. When children lose a young parent to death, they can become very fearful that they may lose other significant family members at a young age. It is critical that we reassure our children when they hear about a friend or family member.

The story below is written by Michele McDevitt, a GenParenting guest blogger, who sadly has significant experiences working with grief and young family members. After reading the story, you can answer the comprehension questions and submit a comment to GenParenting.com.

I Have a Dad; He’s Just in Heaven

By Michele McDevitt

Hi! My name is Alex. And I have a secret. When I was three years old, my dad died. At first, I was too young to understand what happened to my dad. I would ask my mom when he was going to come home from work and she would tell me, “Your dad was very sick. So his body died and his spirit is in heaven.”

I would also ask my grandma when my dad would come back and she would respond, “Your dad is in heaven. That means that you will not see him again, but he lives in your heart, your mind, and your body each day of your life.” When my grandma reassures me, I feel my dad’s presence in my life that fills a big empty space in my heart.

Sometimes my grandparents bug me about how I am feeling because they are worried that I may be feeling sad about my dad. At those times, my grandparents may talk too much about my dad to try and help me. Although these talks may hurt, it helps to remember that my dad loves me. My grandpas are also good to me and cheer me on at my soccer and basketball games.

When my dad first died, my mom used to cry all the time. She missed my dad so much. I worried about her. I would tell my grandma that my mom was sad and my grandma would cry too. She said she also missed my dad a lot. To help her remember good times, my grandma would tell me something funny that my dad had said or did. She would also tell me that it helps to count our blessings and be thankful for all of the good things in our lives.

I feel bad because I can’t remember much about my dad anymore. I don’t remember very well what he looked like. I do remember my dad in the hospital and how he looked so tired and sick. My grandma says not to worry as she shares a wonderful picture of my dad holding me when I was a baby.

Although I have a lot of friends at school, some kids are mean and will say, “You’re weird. You have no dad! Hahaha!”

When other kids raze me about never seeing my dad, I just say that my dad is on an important trip. Sometimes I yell, “I have a dad; he’s just in heaven!”

I hope I make a friend who also lost his dad. Sometimes, I feel lonely. Dad doesn’t visit me in my dreams very much. He used to visit me in my dreams all the time! Dad would take me flying with him all over the world. He told me he would always be with me and watch over me–even if I couldn’t feel it! Dad said he was in my heart and I would never be alone.

My dad’s friends talk to me about their happy memories about my dad. I like to talk to them about the coolest new video games, super hero movies and stuff like that. Although my grandpas are nice, they are not that cool.

I have learned that my dad is with me all the time, although he cannot play ball with me, take me to a sports game, or read to me. Sometimes, I still cry myself to sleep. At those times, I can feel my dad’s arms around me and I know somehow, I’ll be alright.

Ask the following questions after reading the story or another book on death:

Do you know anyone who has died? Describe your memories of that person.
What would you like to do to remember the happy times with that person?
What can I tell you about death?
Do you have any classmates that have lost a parent, grandparent, relative, or friend?
What did you do for this friend in class? What have they shared about their grief or experiences?
If you have attended a memorial service or funeral, what are your memories of this event and the person who died?
What else would you like to learn about death and dying?
If an animal or person died, draw a picture about a happy memory and talk about that memory?
Would you like to do something else to remember that person (i.e. plant a tree, go to a special place, sing a song, read a story, look at photo albums)?

Listed below are relevant California Common Core Standards for English Language Arts and Literacy that support early elementary learners:

Kindergarten: With prompting and support, ask and answer questions about key details in a text.
Grade 1: Ask and answer questions about key details in a text.
Grade 2: Ask and answer such questions as who, what, where, when, why, and how to demonstrate understanding of key details in a text.
With prompting and support, describe the relationship between illustrations and the story in which they appear (e.g. what moment in a story an illustration depicts).
Kindergarten: With prompting and support, retell familiar stories, including key details.

Talking About Death and Difficult Subjects

Preschoolers and early elementary children are very interested in talking about death and difficult subjects. Typically, children will ask parents a variation of one of these questions:

Why did the insect die?
Did my cat go to cat heaven? Can I see her?
I know great grandpa was very old and sick? Why did he die? Where did he go? Will I see him again?
Will you die soon?

A Parent’s Response

When asked these questions, parents are typically overwhelmed about how to simply answer the question. When their great grandparents died, we told our preschoolers and early elementary grandkids that their great grandparents were very sick for a long time and that they died from old age and being very sick. We assured them that we would not die tomorrow and are taking very good care of ourselves. We also do not project fear and were very loving about the fun times the grandkids shared with the older relative.

Talking About Feelings

Sometimes, however, children lose their parent at a very young age and the entire family is traumatized from this very sad situation. Children should be reassured with love throughout this difficult time. They should be encouraged to talk about their feelings of sadness, grief, fear, and despair. Families should celebrate the happy times they have shared with each other. Parents can purchase an age appropriate book or go to the library for a book about understanding the death of a friend or family member. When their great grandparents died, the preschoolers and early elementary great grandchildren attended the memorial services and sang a song that was shared over generations. Even if it has been several years, the great grandchildren remember visiting their sick great grandparents in the hospital and talking to their family about the memorial.

Creating Memories

Sometimes families plant a tree or go to a special place to remember their loved family members. I still go to a particular ice cream shop in memory of happy times with my family. The grandkids treasure these moments. It is a wonderful way to respect a family member’s memories!

Respectfully,

Mary Ann

Heroes Among Us

School shootings, children separated from their parents, suicide, volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, floods…these are just a few of the devastating headlines coming through the radio and across my newsfeed. Not to mention, there are so many more personal stories of families experiencing a serious health issue of another family member, children caught in the middle of a custody battle, or even children being intimidated by a menacing bully on the playground. If you are like me, these news reports and life events leave me feeling sad and helpless. Imagine, then, how much more devastated and vulnerable our children may feel. What can we do to help our children develop core values so they can be strong in difficult situations?

Be a Hero

Parents should help instill positive, core character values in their children. Are the traits of Hope, Courage, Perseverance, and Integrity being modeled and practiced at home? Think about the words and tone of voice you use when you hear about discouraging news. When we react to a less than ideal situation, our children observe and mimic our behavior. Are children being taught to respond positively? When children are confident and affirmed that they possess these qualities, then they are able to practice and extend Compassion and Generosity towards others. This is the first step in helping children see that they can be a positive change agent. In the face of difficult situations, they can be a hero to their brother, sister, friend, or stranger.

Be a Good Neighbor

When I was growing up, the popular children’s TV show Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood always started with the theme song, “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” The simple invitation always got the audience thinking about taking the first step to being proactive with others. Are your children getting enough interaction with neighbors? Are you inviting neighbors over for a BBQ or potluck? Are you chatting with neighbors as you sell homemade lemonade on your front porch on a hot summer’s night? Are there impromptu swimming parties or evening movie nights in each other’s backyards? Fred Rogers also famously said, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” What better way for children to learn how to be helpful than by first being good neighbors?

Parents must lovingly instill these qualities of Hope, Courage, Perseverance, Integrity, Compassion and Generosity in their children and frequently validate their kids. The message must be clear: You can help others and be a good neighbor. A hero does the right thing, for themselves and for others, even though it may be difficult.

I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you.

Since we’re together, we might as well say,

Please won’t you be my neighbor?

Jaime

Get Ready for School with Siblings, Twins, and Multiples Play Activities

Infants and preschoolers love pretend and play with lovies as soon as they can grab for toys. Many infants will react happily to cause and effect play and will soon grow into loving pretend play with their preschool siblings and family members. Suggested activities can include the following:

Materials:

Yikes! Brandon and His Twin Sisters Go to School book
Twin and multiplies play kits (e.g. Calico Critters Stroller Set with mother and twin guinea pigs)
Community stickers (i.e. My Town Reusable Sticker Pad)
Building kits (i.e. 80 Mega Blocks)

Activities:

Read Yikes! Brandon and His Twin Sisters Go to School and ask the following:
- Why did the twins starting going to preschool?
- What activities did they participate in when they attended school?
- What did they learn when playing with different toys?
- Do you attend preschool? What are your favorite play activities?
- Have you ever played with twins or multiples? Do they look the same? What have you learned when playing with twins or multiples?
- Can you tell the difference from each twin or multiple child? What would you do if they looked identical and could not tell the difference between each child?
- Describe your favorite activities at school.
- Make a sticker picture of a fun day at school.
Build a home for your Calico Critters and other pretend friends.

How many of your friends are identical or look the same and how many are different?
Create a puppet show using your Calico Critters and friends. What are they doing to get their older brothers and sisters ready for the first day of school? What can you do to help your older sibling get ready for school?
What happens when your roll the Calico Critter twin stroller? Can your other friends fit into the stroller? Does the stroller roll faster or slower with different friends who fit into the stroller?
What types of school activities do you like to play? Do you like to color or draw pictures?
What do you do with stickers? Can you make a picture with your stickers? Can you tell a story? What does each person in the story do in your community? Can any of these people help your siblings get ready for school? Do they help your brothers or sisters during the school day?
What community helper would you like to be when you get bigger? Pretend you are that person. What do you do in that job?

When reading and discussing suggested books with your children, listed below are several relevant California Common Core Standards for English Language Arts and Literacy:

Kindergarten: With prompting and support, ask and answer questions about key details in a text.
Grade 1: Ask and answer questions about key details in a text.
Grade 2: Ask and answer such questions as who, what, where, when, why, and how to demonstrate understanding of key details in a text.
With prompting and support, describe the relationship between illustrations and the story in which they appear (e.g. what moment in a story an illustration depicts).
Kindergarten: With prompting and support, retell familiar stories, including key details.

Listed below are relevant Common Core Standards in Mathematics for these activities:

Kindergarten Measurement and Data: Classify objects and count the number of objects in each category.
Kindergarten Counting and Cardinality: Identify whether the number of objects in one group is greater than, less than, or equal to the number of objects in another group, e.g., by using matching and counting strategies.

Get Ready for School with Siblings, Twins, and Multiples Reading Activity

Yikes! Brandon’s Twin Sisters Get Ready for Big Girl Preschool!

Hi! My name is Brandon and I have twin sisters who look alike. Their names are Anna and Maria and they love to follow me around and be my best friends! When they were toddlers, their grandma took them to school because they were naughty. Both liked to chew rocks, Maria chewed the arms off her baby doll, and Anna would run and hide from grandma when it was time to eat. Finally, my grandma said they had to go to baby school to learn how to listen and play with others.

Now my twin sisters are turning three and they are getting ready for big girl preschool. Both are excited about what they will learn. They can sing their ABC’s, they know their colors, they can count to 10, and they love to do projects. I have taught them how to draw, paint, and use shaving cream for finger-painting and coloring Easter eggs. We have painted rocks, cooked with plants, and enjoyed many hours of waterplay throughout the summer. We camp, hike, ride trikes, and climb in the park.

Although my sisters have lots of fun with me, my parents want them to go to school to learn how to play with other children. They are best friends and at times get angry at each other. Although they still look the same, they now have very different personalities. Anna likes to explore and wander off while Maria loves to follow me around and play imaginative games with me. Anna will finish her art projects quickly so that she can explore on her own while Maria wants to do projects all day!

Our favorite times together are on weekend mornings when we play in our pajamas and relax with our parents. It is so much fun playing in our backyard and completing household projects with each parent. I like to do gardening with my dad and my sisters love to fold laundry with my mom. As we get ready for our new school year, we continue to play pretend school so that my sisters will be ready to follow the classroom rules and routines. As the big brother, I help my sisters with their pretend classroom assignments and learning center activities. Sometimes they want to play with me and other times they do not want my help.

I am excited to watch them go to big girl preschool and see the projects that they will bring home to share with the family. I love being a big brother! It is fun, challenging, and full of surprises.

Happy playtime at your school!